Q: Even after telling my good friend that her lateness – as much as half an hour! – is rude, she still hasn’t mended her ways. How can I make her more punctual?

A: If she didn’t shape up when you zapped her for being incosiderate, she probably won’t respond to subtle (or devious) tactics either. Your only recourse is to be even more up-front and set a clear boundary. Tell her that the next time you make plans, you’ll wait 15 minutes and then you’re leaving. Though her behavior is infuriating, part of the problem may be that she underestimates how long it takes to get from here to there. So by letting her know that you will wait only 15 minutes, you’ll force her to calculate her travel time more carefully.

Q: I was next in line at a counter where service was slow as molasses. Finally a new line opened up, but the person behind me rushed to get there first. I was so frustrated! Should I have said something?

A: In this situation, you could have said something like, “I’m sorry, but I was ahead of you in line. I believe I’m next.” If the person doesn’t retreat, don’t push the issue further with him or her. Speak to the manager instead, and suggest that when a cashier opens a new register, she should say, “May I help the next person in line?”

Q: My boyfriend and I just bought our first house together and some of our friends/relatives are telling us we should have a housewarming party. I always thought that someone else was supposed to plan and throw the party for you at the new house and that you’re not supposed to throw it for yourself. Is it proper? Who is right?

A: A housewarming party is hosted by the new homeowners (or renters) to welcome friends and family to their new home, to give tours and receive compliments, and to serve food and have friends help “warm” their residence with their caring and affection.

Q: Once again my mother-in-law has given me a sweater I’ll never put on, and then asked me why I’m not wearing it. Is there a way to get her to give me gifts I’d actually use?

A: No matter how much you dislike your mother-in-law’s gifts, you should acknowledge her thoughtfulness in some way. You don’t need to lie and say, “How gorgeous!” Simply say, “You’re so kind to think of me,” and let it go at that. If she puts you on the spot about why you’re not wearing the sweater, treat the question lightly: “Oh, I just wanted to see if you’d notice!”

You might also head off a repeat performance by taking some corrective action. Before the next occasion, ask her what she wants. Then tell her you have a wish list, too, and throw out a few ideas. Not only may that inspire your mother-in-law, but it could also make everyone’s shopping easier.

And if she still gives you a sweater you don’t like? Thank her warmly and say something positive, such as “What a great color!” It’s never gracious to be critical or unappreciative.

Q: I have a son from my first marriage whom my husband’s adopting. I’d like to send an announcement to our friends and relatives about the adoption and name change. Is this appropriate? If so, what should it say?

A: It’s appropriate if there’s a practical reason for making the announcement, and if it’s a happy circumstance – for example, if you have a large family and many friends to notify, and your son is pleased with the change. But if your son is at all apprehensive or is still just getting used to the idea, you might just tell people casually.

The announcement would read: Mr. and Mrs. Samuel Carson take pleasure in announcing that Mr. Carson has adopted Mrs. Carson’s son, James, who will hereafter be known as James Carson.

Q: I’m always afraid that someone I wasn’t planning to get a gift for will spring one on me. What should I do if this happens?

A: All you really need to do is warmly thank the person and say, “You shouldn’t have!” Then, next year, if you don’t want to start an exchange, send her a greeting card early in the season and hope she’ll take the hint. Another solution is to have some little gifts on hand in case of such emergencies – but remember that a generic gift may seem insincere or impersonal.

Q: Please settle a debate about the proper way to eat pizza. Are a fork and knife necessary, or can you just use your hands?

A: It’s alright to pick up a slice because pizza is an informal food. The best way to eat it is to loosely fold a slice in half to keep the edges from dripping. That’s not to say silveware is forbidden. Use utensils if you prefer; they come in handy when you’re eating deep-dish pie.

Q: My daughter’s new husband is terrific, but I cringe when he calls me Mom. I’d much prefer to be called by my first name, but I know my daughter addresses his parents as Mom and Dad, and I don’t want to seem as if I’m criticizing anyone’s choice. Suggestions?

A: First, stop worrying so much! it’s your name, after all, so it’s perfectly appropriate to state your preference. Break it to your son-in-law gently: “I’m delighted that we’ve gotten close enough that you want to call me Mom, but truthfully, I’m more comfortable with ‘Sue.’” You can add that this will avoid confusion when the two sets of in-laws get together at family events. Issue your request in a friendly way (be sure to tell your daughter, as well) and then let it go. Even if he forgets from time to time, why ruffle what sounds like a nice relationship with your daughter’s new husband?

Q: At a funeral I recently attended, I was startled to see several women wearing brightly colored dresses. The styles of their outfits weren’t inappropriate, but I’ve always thought you were supposed to wear black or another somber color to funerals. Is color a new trend?

A: While you’ll never go wrong with black, my informal survey suggests that, these days, bright colors are considered appropriate if the clothing is in good taste (no Hawaiian shirts, please!). It really comes down to respect and personal choice. Some women I talked to said that, to them, a funeral service is a celebration of the deceased person’s life, and therefore they wouldn’t wear black. One woman told me that she donned a red dress for her best friend’s funeral because it was her pal’s favorite color. Ultimately, your decision should factor in the expectations of the bereaved family and the location of the event (is it a religious service or at a place of worship, or a eulogy at a funeral home or other venue?), and your own views about death. Still not sure what you should wear? When in doubt, dress conservatively and use color only as an accent.

Q: For our daughter’s confirmation, we’re unsure whether we should invite family friends who aren’t Christians to the church or just to the party we’re hosting at our home afterward. We would love for them to join us for the ceremony, but we don’t want them to feel any pressure to attend a religious service that they might not feel totally comfortable with.

A: Do invite them to the church service. Just tell your non-Christian friends that youd love for them to join you, but you want to make them feel comfortable. That way, you leave the decision up to them. Your friends will appreciate your candor and concern – and most likely choose to join you at the service.