Q: We just recently purchased a new home. It has hardwood entry/kitchen and carpet throughout. Is it rude to ask people to remove their shoes when coming into the house? We have place a chair on the front porch to assist those when removing their shoes. We both find it very comfortable to make the request and have actually received some negative responses from ‘guests’ and some have pushed the issue. We feel very torn with a small discreet ‘sign’ making the request (we still have construction people returning who actually are the most compliant). I want to keep my home clean and protect the flooring as long as possible. I have actually declined on hosting a housewarming party because we don’t want some high heel shoes marring up the flooring. How do we handle this?

A: Well, it is your home, and if you don’t want guests to wear shoes, it is your choice. However, it is most thoughtful to tell invited guests that this is your rule so that they bring slippers or indoor shoes with them. No one likes, at all, being told to take their shoes off if they are unprepared to do so; they may have holes in their socks, or runs in their stockings, or feel they have a foot odor problem; and you might put them in an embarrassing situation. If the visitors are drop-in guests, it is thoughtful to have several pairs of disposable, paper slippers by the door so that when they remove their shoes, and may also be unprepared to do so, you have something for them to slip into.

Q:  I recently asked a couple from church to go out with my husband and I.  They asked us just to come to their house for dinner.  Since I invited them, I did not want them to have to go through the trouble of working on their house and cooking.  So, I said a restaurant was just fine.  Now, I am worried I may have offended them without meaning to. What should I do?

A: As long as you are picking up the tab, since you did the inviting, there should be no problem. Just make it clear that you are the hosts so they aren’t concerned about having to pay a bill.

Q: My Aunt gave me a wall hanging that is not my taste, at all. She has suggested many different places for it. Now she is coming to my house. What should I do?

A: Since you still have it, you might as well hang it up so she can see it in place. When she leaves, you can always take it down. If she comes again, you can say you love to move things around and change the décor and it was time for a different look, but you are sure you will be changing it again and the wall hanging will be in a new and interesting place.

Q: When guests are asked to bring food to a party (hors d’oeuvre, cookies, salad, etc.) are they then required to reciprocate the invitation?  Generally if someone invites me to a party and they provide the food, I reciprocate by asking them to my house for dinner. If I’m asked to bring something, I don’t feel it’s necessary to have to invite them back.

A: That’s an interesting question. Another way to look at it is that they have provided the hospitality and surely some of the meal themselves. They have also requested and presumably enjoyed your company. A return invitation is a nice way to keep the relationship going, if you are interested. If you are not interested, then regardless, you would write a warm thank you note for the hospitality and leave it at that.

Q: If a guest brings a bouquet or a fine bottle of wine to a dinner party, does the hostess owe her a thank-you card?

A: Not if she expressed her appreciation the night of the event. But at some larger functions, guests might not get a chance to present the hostess with their offering in person. They might, for example, leave a bottle of wine with other unopened gifts on the front hall table. In those cases, at least a phone call, if not a note, is a nice gesture.

Q: My husband and I have friends who often stop by our home unannounced and then stay for hours. Isn’t this rude?

A: Unannounced visits are always inconsiderate unless the parties have agreed in advance that they’re OK. Don’t just fume. Let your friends know you’d prefer a phone call before they pop in. Say “Next time, would you mind calling before you stop by? I so enjoy our get-togethers, and if I have advance notice, I can get the chores done before you arrive.”

Q: Two of my cousins had a fight years ago and haven’t spoken since. I want to invite both to my son’s birthday party. How do I handle it?

A: You can invite both–but it should not be a surprise reunion. Talk to them separately, letting each one know you’d like him to come to the party but that the other may also be present. Ask them if they are willing to bury the hatchet or at least endure being in the same room for a few hours. If they both RSVP yes, be sure to tell the other guests ahead of time–that way, you’ll quell some of the shocked whispers.

Q: My husband’s cousins are coming in from England and will be staying with us for seven nights. We can’t take that much vacation time, but can we ask our visitors to be self-sufficient?

A: Since they’ll be staying a whole week, I can’t imagine these guests expect you to drop everything. Still, it’s best to give them your schedule before their visit. Say “We’ll be at work during the week, but we’d love to show you around on Saturday.” Or “You’ll want to rent a car if you’d like to explore while we’re at the office.” Send tourist information so they can plan some sight-seeing.

Q: Chatting with a pal on the phone, I mentioned an upcoming party hosted by a mutual friend — and she had no idea what I was talking about. I figured she’d be invited! Now what?

A: Sounds like you’ve had an “open mouth, insert foot” moment. But don’t be too upset–you should be able to overcome this honest mistake. Apologize immediately for bringing it up, then move on to happier topics. Tell the hostess about your conversation too. She may have overlooked inviting the mutual friend, or the invitation may have been lost. At the very least, she’ll want to know so that if the friend is miffed or brings it up, she’ll be prepared to handle the situation.

Q: A friend invited me to a Tupperware party she’s hosting, but I don’t need any more containers. Should I go anyway? And must I buy something?

A: While you might want to support your friend emotionally in her venture, you shouldn’t feel obligated to support her financially or even to attend the party at all. Do RSVP either way, though. If you’re not interested, say “Thanks for thinking of me, but I can’t make it.” Skip a few parties, and she’ll likely get the hint. If you’d like to attend just to be social, go ahead. But bring your wallet; you never know what might catch your eye!