I don’t mean to say what your child does or does not experience, Jodi, since I haven’t had the pleasure of meeting your child, and couldn’t professionally diagnose anyway (lacking a Ph.D). However, I do work with students having all kinds of disabilities at a Big 12 university, so I am aware of ADA law and the nomenclature. I listen to parents/students list all kinds of euphemisms to me such as “learning differences,” “issues,” “abnormal difficulties,” etc. They are trying to refrain from saying “disability” for some reason. There is nothing wrong with being imperfect – we all are.

Jerry, as the mother of a child with special “issues” or “concerns”, I agree with your comment that they may not be disabilities … there is a difference.

I would like to add that a child may need to use a key board at school for more than a physical reason, such as dexterity. My son has an IEP and included in the accommodations for his issues is the option to use a computer in any of his classes. (He is in the 5th grade.) He has no physical problems with writing; it is more of an emotional issue in that his brain clicks along so fast he cannot get his thoughts down on paper fast enough when writing by hand. This makes him very frustrated and he tends to give up or look to take the easy way out with his work. When he uses a keyboard to complete assignments, rewrite paragraphs, etc. he is much more engaged in what he is doing and willing to put more effort into his work. There are all sorts of reasons accommodations are made for kids and I am personally grateful — and pleased — that the need to treat children’s needs individually is becoming so prevalent.

Jerry, in regard to your comment that lap tops and other electronic devices are common for note taking, I will agree that yes, that is the case in college. However, in high schools, and especially in middle and elementary schools, (at least in my area) they are not common and up until this year, have not been allowed. Several schools in our district are doing a trial run to see how the kids handle the added responsibility and opportunity (the devices are not to be used in certain classes.) Hopefully, it will become more prevalent in future.

The fact is that the neighbor has no business asking why a child receives an accommodation. Both the EPI and Elizabeth gave solid answers – the letter writer will know which will work best for him/her.

You can also disarm a conversation that’s going in a wrong direction. I do this by telling the offending party, “I wholeheartedly disagree with those views. But rather than get into a heated discussion, which given our respective personalities could turn very heated and ruin everyone’s good time, let’s just drop it.” (I’ve done this at family gatherings and professional events.) By saying this, you’ve given the other person the last clear chance to avoid the discussion.

You keep quiet when speaking up could hurt you financially and you are not willing to accept the pain that the speaker could inflict. (These situations should be fairly rare.)

If the nosy neighbor asks about the keyboard, you merely need respond “we believe that our son will benefit by using the latest technology in doing his school work.” Soon, the gossip will be researching whether her child can use technology as well. [Seriously, EPI, this was not a hard question. Sure you don't need some help over there?]

In high schools and colleges, laptops and iPads are no longer uncommon for note taking. There is no reason that younger students shouldn’t use them as well. And there is no need to explain that the reason for the technology is that your son has whatever issues. Elizabeth’s last paragraph is spot on — you can’t win by getting defensive with a busy body.

(BTW, shame on everyone for assuming that these issues are related to a physical or mental handicap. The problem merely states that the child has “issues,” not that he has a disability.)

But since you can control only your behavior and your reactions, you and your family need to decide whether you prefer to be “right” or prefer to respond with loving kindness to this breach of etiquette.

Which is the better lesson to model for your children: that your family makes allowances for loved ones who make mistakes, or that you stand on principle, no matter the magnitude of the offense nor the consequences.

Either is a valid position, and could lead to a very important life lesson for your teenaged children.