My husband comes from a large family. Some of the siblings have much more disposable income (or are more willing to use credit) than others. For holidays my husband and I set a budget. We’re happy to go in with others on a gift, but we are serious about sticking to our budget. If we’ve set $50 for each set of parents and the gift that the siblings are talking about would require $100, we either have to decline to participate or let the siblings know that we’ll be glad to chip in our budgeted amount. We’re not cheap; we simply believe in living within our means.

I have been the family genealogist for a few decades and have compiled a lot of information over the years. Before my mother died, I asked her if I could be in charge of the “family archives” and she said yes. It has been in my heart since then to put together information for each family to pass on to their children. After my parents died, I asked my nephews and nieces when a good time to have a family reunion would be, and they all agreed on July 4th. So over two years ago I began planning a private family reunion for the offspring and spouses of my parents.

I’ve put hundreds of hours and thousands of dollars into this private reunion. I discovered a few months ago that the family made some assumptions about who is invited. I had to draw the line at a place where I knew it would be difficult but I in no way thought my family would be offended. It was difficult, but I drew the line at the direct offspring. All of our children are grown, left the home and most have children of their own. I did not invite my two sisters’ step children who never lived in either of my sister’s homes. I also didn’t invite my deceased husband’s father, with whom I am close.

One of the days will be spent at a park lodge, where I will present to each family a hand decorated box, each filled with a hand-painted family tree, a hand made book about each family as far back as I have information on, a “birthdate” box with each person’s name, address, and date of birth, a tee shirt with a family motto that we are all voting on, as well as other objects. The next day I purchased tickets for everyone at a local nationally famous amusement park, and since someone expressed a concern that we wouldn’t have much time together as a family, I purchased a shelter for several hours, a buffet, and free drinks during a five hour span within the shelter.

One of my sisters and her husband have decided to make a problem out of where I drew the line, since her adult step children aren’t invited. I asked them both to forgive me but I had to draw the line somewhere. They threatened to bring in the rest of the family to make their point, and they have. Now I’ve gotten an angry phone call from a niece about it, and she believes that everyone in her generation will be upset about my choice. When I sent out the information for the family votes, I included a very kind explanation about why I’m hosting this two-day party, and offered to supply contact information should anyone want to add additional days. My one angry sister and her husband are not offering to add an additional party.

I believe this is just another symptom of my family issues. I’m the youngest, and my entire life has been spent giving everyone what they want, and this is one of the rare times when I’m so passionate about something that I’m sticking to my decision.

But is it worth the problems that my sister and her husband are causing for my family? I’m deeply hurt and want to know what the best way to handle this issue is.