Attendant Attire : Who is responsible to pay ?

Q. My daughter recently became engaged. Her fiances’ believes the bride’s family should pay for all the attendants outfits – bridesmaid dresses and tuxedo rentals. What is appropriate?

A. No, that is not correct. Attendants pay their own attire and accessory costs, and any travel costs. The families of the bride and groom do pay the lodging costs of any attendants who require lodging during the wedding.

Party Favors : Are favors required for each guest?

Q. Is a favor necessary for each guest or is one acceptable per couple? Any suggestions are appreciated.

A. While wedding favors are a nice thought, unless they are part of your cultural traditions, they are completely unnecessary and simply another drain on your wedding budget. That being the case, if you truly want to give favors, it is certainly fine to give one per couple or to the ladies only– more than likely, the male guests won’t even notice!

Traditionally speaking, a place card is provided for each guest. However, it is more common place today for one card to be designated per couple.

Gift Gab : Can you give cash or gift cards as a gift?

Q. Is it appropriate to give cash or gift cards at a bridal shower of a distant relative?

A. No, it is not appropriate. The main “entertainment” of a shower, in addition to the refreshments, is the opening of presents. It is very awkward for the bride-to-be to sit and open envelopes of money or gift cards while the gathered guests watch in silence.

Invitation Issue : How do you Narrow down Guest lists?

Q. My son is getting married this summer. We have given the bride a list of about 100 guests. Her parents list is right now at 185. The bride tells me that it is etiquette that if names need to be cut off of the list they come off of the grooms family list not the bride. That the brides family gets to invite as many people as they want because they are paying for the wedding and it’s all about what the bride wants not the groom. So if her parents decide there are too many guests on the list they will cut our list and not theirs. Is this true? Doesn’t seem right to me. We are also planning our daughters wedding a month later and are inviting the same as the grooms parents. Seem only fair to me.

A. Traditionally each family is allotted half of the desired total guest count, a figure determined largely by the person hosting the wedding.  A way of starting to decide whom to invite is to combine four lists, thus formulating the master list.  Start with lists from the bride, the groom, the bride’s, and the groom’s parents.  It is necessary that everyone make up their lists realistically.  As acceptances and regrets become known, the weight’s of the lists may vary.