A: You can do one of two things. You can ask your finance to run a little interference for you. When he is visiting with them without you present, he can say, “You probably don’t even notice you do this, but every time Beth is here, you talk about Jennifer. I’d really appreciate it if you could try and leave her out of the conversation, since the new life I’m building is with Beth and I’d like her to start feeling like part of the family.” He can encourage them to get to know you, reiterating how happy he is with you. Or you could say something yourself: “I’ve been thinking about how you often mention Jennifer when I’m with you. She’s very lucky that you are so fond of her. I hope to be that lucky someday, too, and that you’ll find as many nice things to say about me. ” The first solution is probably the best, if your fiance is willing to speak to his parents from his point of view and not make it sound as though you have been complaining.

A: Sure, it’s perfectly appropriate to have your mom as your matron of honor.  Talk it over with her, though, since she may feel she has a lot responsibilities as mother-of-the-bride that would make it hard for her to be a 100% attentive matron of honor.  If she decides both “jobs” are just too much to juggle, you will both know, nonetheless, that she will be by your side in spirit, with great love for you, feeling very honored by your suggestion.

A: Yes, a shower and a wedding are two separate events. Since you hosted the shower, you were not obligated to give her a gift. Hosting the shower would be considered a gift in itself. However, an invitation to wedding requires a gift whether or not you attend.

A: The decision is yours:  Think about which person you’re closer to.  If you choose your friend, reach out to your family immediately (and in person, if possible) to minimize hurt feelings, and try to set up another time to see the couple.  But whichever invitation you decline, send a note of thanks with an explanation and be sure to RSVP promptly to both.

A: No.  Those who gave gifts the first time have no obligation to give again.  But some family and friends of a remarrying bride or groom give anyway, simply because they want to celebrate the couple’s happiness.  Before you do anything, check in with other family members:  Many remarrying couples forgo gifts entirely.  If that’s the case, your cousin should let people know by word of mouth, since any mention of gifts on the invitation is an etiquette faux pas.

A: Guest lists for destination weddings are always tricky.  First, get the word out early to your top 30.  Consider just phoning people; some may tell you on the spot whether they can make it.  Mail invitations at least eight weeks before the wedding and ask for responses within two weeks (less time than usual but people will understand).  As the regrets come in, start inviting your second tier-as long as it’s six weeks before the big date, so no one should be offended.

A: Take your gift-giving cue from your niece and her parents.  If the couple is definitely waiting for the groom’s return for their big celebration, you can hold off on the gift.  However, if the larger wedding is a vague “maybe,” go ahead and send the present.  Either way is fine.  If you decide to wait, send the couple a personal note now, offering your warmest wishes.  Plus, suggest a fun get-together with your niece; she’ll probably appreciate the attention while her husband is abroad.

A: No.  Firing your future sister-in-law is out of the question.  But you can make it easy for her to quit.  Tell her you sense she’s unable to give you the time and help, and if she’d like to back out, you won’t be angry.  Should she opt for the escape hatch, emphasize that there are no ill feelings, then move on with another maid of honor.  But if she says she wants to take part in the wedding plans, start afresh.  Maybe this talk, even though it’s bound to be awkward, will bring you closer.