Rest Assured: Is it Rude to Not to Offer My Bed to a Houseguest?

Q: I recently moved to a small condo with two bedrooms; my bedroom and a smaller bedroom which I am using for a TV room. This room has no bed or sofa. A friend from invited herself to come up and stay with me for over a week. Am I obligated to give up my bedroom for her to sleep in? I have a nice full-sized air mattress, but I feel guilty asking her to sleep on the air mattress on the floor. However, on the other hand, she invited herself! I am certain she doesn’t know the sleeping arrangements here and would not expect me to give up my bed, but I still feel guilty if I don’t give her my room to sleep in.

A: No, you are not obligated nor expected to give up your bedroom for your guest.  You shouldn’t feel guilty asking her to sleep on an air mattress.  Furthermore, it would be fine to let her know what the sleeping arrangements will be.

Foliage Frustration: Am I Responsible for my Leaves on My Neighbors Lawn?

Q: Is it my responsibility to clean up leaves that fall from my tree onto my neighbor’s lawn? I have raked them up at my neighbor’s a couple of times, but don’t feel like I need to do it daily.

A: No, that is one of the burdens of fall – when leaves from your neighbor’s property fall on your lawn, you rake them up. When leaves from your tree fall on their lawn, they rake them up. It is small payment for enjoying the trees all the rest of the year!

Rude Requests: Is it OK to Specficially Suggest Money for a Gift?

Q: My granddaughter’s birthday is in December and she will be 12 years old. I casually asked her what are some of the things she would like as a gift for her birthday and Christmas. Her answer was ‘Cash’ or a ‘Gift Card’. I told her that I thought it really isn’t good manners to ask for money, that she could have suggested a gift that I could pick out for her. She said that if she gets ‘Cash’ she can then buy what she wants.

A: In answer to your question, it is not incorrect, when ask, to tell someone, even your grandmother, that your most appreciated gift would be money because you are saving for. . . .whatever, when that is the case. However, many families are uncomfortable exchanging cash and prefer to be able to select a gift they know the recipient would enjoy. If you are more comfortable buying a present than sending a gift card or a check, it is fine for you to say so, and ask for a small list of some specific items she might enjoy opening.

Cruising for Company: How to Suggest that Friends Join on a Vacation

Q: We are taking a cruise for our 50th anniversary. We would like to have friends with us but can’t afford to pay for them all. Is there a ‘not tacky’ way to invite these people?

A:  Tell those friends whose company you enjoy what you are planning and tell them that if they are planning a vacation soon and suggest that it would be fun to all go together – then give them the name of your travel agent. This way you aren’t inviting them, but are indicating that you would welcome their company if they can fit it into their schedules and budget.