From the category archives:
Q: You invite a friend to join your for Thanksgiving. She accepts but doesn’t offer to bring anything. Do you ask her to contribute? A: Yes. Families celebrate in different ways and your friend might not be used to potluck. But if that’s your style, just let her know. Request something general, like an appetizer, [...]
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Q: My brother’s new girlfriend is loud, tells off-color jokes- and is coming to our Thanksgiving dinner this year. What’s the best way to handle her? A: Chat with your brother ahead of time. Say, “I’m happy you and Lisa are coming for Thanksgiving, but can you talk to her about toning down the jokes? [...]
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Q: We’re hosting Thanksgiving dinner for a slew of our out-of-town relatives. Is it OK to ask some to stay at a hotel? A: Preparing a Thanksgiving feast is a major enough undertaking without adding a gaggle of overnight guests. If you wish, and your situation permits, you can invite relatives from farther away to [...]
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Q: I hosted a small dinner for friends. One of the couples was 2 hours late and said nothing about it (no apology, etc). I said nothing and still have not mentioned it to them. Should I have said or done anything about their tardiness? A: It may be that they got the time wrong, [...]
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Q: My neighbor came over for takeout pizza, but she didn’t have cash to help pay for it. Do I ask her to pay me back? A: Yes, if dutch treat was the plan. First, give her a chance to make amends. If she continues to “forget,” there’s not much you can do, so ask [...]
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Q: For the last several years and again this year we have hosted an annual open house. We have mailed invitations with an RSVP and the first phone call came today. She asked, “I will have a guest, is it all right if I bring her?” Last year we ended up with 6 extra people [...]
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Q: When guests are asked to bring food to a party (hors d’oeuvre, cookies, salad, etc.) are they then required to reciprocate the invitation? Generally if someone invites me to a party and they provide the food, I reciprocate by asking them to my house for dinner. If I’m asked to bring something, I don’t [...]
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Q: When is the proper time to remove your guests dinner plates? Is it after everyone is finished? I have a dear friend that insists on helping out at dinner parties, but she starts removing plates before all are finished. She also insists on putting away food from buffets within 15-20 minutes of the meal. [...]
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Q: I think it’s inappropriate for a dinner-party host to start washing the dirty dishes while the guests are still around. Isn’t this code for “party’s over- go home”? A: It depends. At a formal party, the host shouldn’t clean up until her guests have left. A casual gathering with close friends is different. Without [...]
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Q: I RSVP’d yes to a party, but the night of the soiree something came up at the last minute. I didn’t call the hostess because I didn’t want to interrupt her preparations. Right or Wrong move? A: Wrong. Let your hostess know you won’t be there with a quick phone call–not a text or [...]
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The Gift of Good Manners
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