From the category archives:
Q: Friends are planning to visit us for a week, and they’ve informed us that they’re bringing their dog. I’m not crazy about dogs, and my husband’s concerned about the lawn. Is there a polite way to tell them we’d rather they come alone? A: Sure. The fact is, it’s impolite of guests to ask [...]
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Q: When my in-laws last visited, they kept going to the thermostat and turning up the heat without asking me. I’m trying to keep my electric bill down. Weren’t they rude? A: Not really. Sure, it would have been better if they had checked with you first. But maybe they just didn’t want to bother [...]
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Q: We entertain a great deal, and I usually don’t know if our guests are vegetarians or have food allergies – until they’re sitting at my dining-room table and not touching the main course. Should I be asking everyone ahead of time about dietary restrictions? A: If you’re having a few people over for a [...]
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Q: At a dinner party, if the hostess offers coffee, can you ask for decaf? A: It’s not a great idea to come out and ask for it, because the hostess might not have any decaf and you don’t want to embarrass her. But you can certainly respond to “Would you like coffee?” with a [...]
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Q: What is the proper way to respond to a toast? Do you stand during the accolade and then raise your glass to join in? What about a reply? A: The honoree does not rise or drink during the remarks or while others are offering the toast. But afterward, you may stand and drink to [...]
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Q: For a weekend visit with my family or friends, should I bring my own soap, shampoo, conditioner, and loofah? Sometimes I feel funny dipping into my host’s bath products. A: Next time, bring your own. Although many hotels supply shampoos and shower stuff, people shouldn’t be expected to do the same in their own [...]
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Q: When you’re served a cocktail with a thin straw, my husband insists that it should be used only as a stirrer. I say you can sip your drink through it. Which one of us is right? A: You both are. If the drink is in fine crystal (in which case your host should stay [...]
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Q: At a recent dinner part, the hostess left the room to load the dishwasher while a few of us were finishing dessert. It made me feel I should hurry up and go. Is it ever OK to clean up before dinner guests have left? A: If someone spills wine or some other mishap occurs, [...]
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Q: At a dinner out with friends, we ordered an expensive bottle of Chardonnay. When the bill came, they insisted that we didn’t need to include the cost of the wine when calculating the tip, only the food. Is this true? A: Your waiter is entitled to a tip on the cost of the meal [...]
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Q: I love my in-laws, but it’s hard when they tell us they’re coming for a visit with only a week’s notice. It’s not always the best time for our family, but my husband refuses to say anything. What can I do? A: If you had your husband’s support, it would be easier, but with [...]
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The Gift of Good Manners
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