A: You can’t be the host and ask your guests to pay.  Decide whether you want to host an event or just organize a gathering of friends, with everyone paying his share.  Communicate your intent carefully — “John, would you and Ellen like to meet us at Miramar’s on Saturday night?  We’re asking Frank and Jill to come, too.  We thought it would be fun for the six of us to enjoy a night out together.  Just let me know if you can make it, and I’ll make the reservation.”  By posing it this way, you are the social coordinator rather than the host.  As host, you would send a written invitation or say, “We’re hosting a dinner for Susan at Jackson’s Grill.  Can you join us as our guest?”

A: We’ve all been there — that awkward moment when we’re starting to make an introduction but can’t remember a name.  Just say, “I’m so embarrassed.  I have completely forgotten your name.”  If you suspect someone has forgotten your name, one of the kindest gestures you can make is to extend your hand and say “Hello, I’m Jane Smith.  It’s so nice to meet you.”

A: Even the best parties have to end sometime — but some guests just don’t get the hint when it is time to leave.  If starting to clean up and other tricks don’t work, it is OK to let guests know that the party is winding down.  Tell them that you have had a nice time but that you have to get up early the next day.  Or say, “I have to ‘close down’ in 15 minutes,” which allows them to depart in a relaxed fashion.

A: Upon accepting an invitation, mention any allergy that could cause a serious reaction. Explain to your hostess, “We’d love to come for dinner, but I must tell you that Bob is deathly allergic to shellfish.” Dietary preferences, such as vegetarianism, should be handled on a more individual basis, depending upon the event. If it is a large party or a buffet, the guests should try and “make do” since a variety of foods will be served. If the gathering is small, the dinner is in your honor or your going to be an overnight houseguest, you should mention your restrictions to the host and offer to bring a dish to share. Say, “Thanks so much for the invitation, Joan. I should let you know that I am a vegetarian. I’d love to bring a zucchini casserole if that’s ok with you.” This way your host won’t work hard to make something you can’t eat, and you’ll be providing a solution that addresses your restriction.

A: Soup is served first; salad is served after the entree and before dessert.  For less formal dinners, salad can be served before or with the entree.

A: When you’re a guest in a person’s home, generally you’re expected to go with the flow.  While you find this behavior impolite (and I would, too), it’s clearly a regular habit for your hosts.  If you’re good friends, try, “Amy, would you mind if I turned off the TV?  I want to hear about your trip without being distracted.”  If not, grin and bear it, and next time, have them over.

Q: I have recently accepted an invitation to a small dinner party hosted by a new friend.  The problem is, shortly after I accepted and with two days notice, a college roommate called to say she could come visit me the same weekend.  Should I cancel?  Can I bring my friend with me?

A: You’ve already accepted the invitation to dinner; it would be impolite to cancel because you’ve now decided to do something else that evening.  And you can’t show up at the dinner with an extra person in tow:  A surprise like that is never a good idea.  Phoning only a couple of days ahead to ask if you can bring your pal isn’t much better, because it puts the host on the spot.  Tell your old friend you already have plans that night and offer to find something else she can do while you’re at the dinner party, like a movie.

A: Thanking your guests in person (and I’m trusting you opened the gifts discreetly and not in front of those who came empty-handed) is perfectly acceptable, and no more is required of you.  That said, written notes, especially when not obligatory, are a gracious way to tell people their presents are appreciated and enjoyed.  As you suspected, however, if you send written thanks for one gift, you must send thank-yous for all.