To Each His Own: A Baby Shower for Every Child?

Q: Is it appropriate for a person to have multiple baby showers? I have a friend who wants a shower and this is her 5th child in 6 years!!!!! She always quotes Emily Post, so I thought I would go straight to the source.

A: Yes, every baby is entitled to be celebrated with a shower regardless of how many siblings he or she has.

Sharing is Caring: Is it rude to not offer food in the house to the whole family?

Q: Is it considered bad manners to have food in the house that is not being offered to the whole family?  For example, a teenager orders a pizza and doesn’t offer to share with anyone, or, a parent brings home donuts for oneself, knowing the kids are not permitted to have any.

 

 

 

A: It is not very considerate for one member of the family to order or bring food in for him or herself and not share or offer to include everyone else.  The exception is when everyone is on his or her own for meal preparation.  For example, if the teenager doesn’t participate in family meals or buys his or her own food.  Parents who eat forbidden food in front of their children are giving a very mixed message and should reconsider this practice.  Home is the best place to learn generosity and consideration.  One can say something along the lines of, “I’m ordering a pizza — would anyone like to join me?” or, “I’m getting a glass of water — can I get one for you?”

 

Skipping the Thank-you’s: How can I tell my friend it’s not necessary to send a thank-you card?

Q: I once received a card with a gift for my newborn requesting that I not send a thank-you note and use the time for my family.  I found it very useful at such a busy time.  I would like to send the same thing to a friend but am not sure how it should be worded.  This one was very simple and polite.  Do you have any suggestions?

 

 

A: You may simply say what you wrote: “Please don’t feel it’s necessary to send a thank-you note.  I would rather you just enjoy the time with your family and new baby.”

Giving Grads Gifts: How to handle a joint party

Q: I am having a joint party for my 18 year old son’s high school graduation with his best friend. We did a joint invitation with a photograph of both boys on it. My question is: some of the guests that I am inviting are not really friends of the other boy or his parents and I want them to know they are not expected to give the other boy a gift (the party is at the other boy’s house). What can I write on a small note inside the card to get this message across?

A: Those who don’t know the other boy won’t think they need to take a gift for him. The difficulty in your mentioning a gift is that it implies that you expect quests to bring gifts. Most will, but there is not wording that says “you don’t need to bring a gift for him (the other boy)” that doesn’t imply they do need to bring one for your son. Therefore, it is best to leave it unmentioned.

Vacation Expectations: Can I ask my kid’s friends to pay for dinners?

Q: I am planning a beach condo vacation and allowing my 13 and 16 year old kids to each bring along a friend. I will be providing transportation, beachfront accommodations, breakfast, lunch, and snacks daily. I do not cook dinner when I am on vacation so we eat out every night, however paying for 2 extra kids for 7 meals out is a deal breaker for me. Is it rude to ask the friends to pay for their own meals? How should I explain it to the parent when they are invited?

A: Be honest. Say all the costs are on you except dinner, which usually runs $X per evening, and if they are willing to cover the costs of their children’s dinners, and you will provide receipts and account for the costs, you would be delighted to take them with you.