Q: My good friend was really vocal about wanting to lose weight for her New Year’s resolution, but she’s helping herself to sweets a lot.  Should I say something?

A: It’s OK to offer some supportive suggestions, but don’t call her out as she’s reaching for the cookie tray. She does not need you to be the food police for her and shaming can only make her diet harder. Try to focus on the positive things she is doing instead of the negative. By pointing out the positive actions she is taking you can reinforce these actions and encourage her to continue them in the future. If she brings up the weight issue again, offer to exercise with her, or give advice couched in empathy like, “When I lost 10 pounds last year, the hardest part was avoiding sweets.  I ate a lot of fruit instead.”

Q: I love January sales but hate how aggressive the crowds get.  When a cashier lets someone cut in front of me, may I tell the line jumper that it’s my turn?

A: Yes.  If someone pushes in front of you, calmly say, “Excuse me, but I don’t think you realize that I was ahead of you.”  If he doesn’t retreat, let the matter drop for the moment, since there’s nothing to gain from a confrontation.  But afterward, let the store manager know what happened so she can ask cashiers to try to prevent such situations.

Q: I am hosting a ‘jewelry party’ at my home and want to include my female cousins. Each of them have daughters under the age of 3 that they bring everywhere. I know it’s not polite to say ‘no children’ on invites, but unless it’s in black and white my cousins will bring the children. These are not well behaved children, they are disruptive and rowdy. Their presence will distract from the event and would be inconsiderate to other guests.

I also need your advice on how I should handle the ‘I’d love to come, but I don’t have a baby sitter’ response. I was thinking ‘What a shame, we’ll miss you’ would suffice?

A: Since you have past experience with your cousins bringing their children when they are not invited, you have to be very direct and write on their invitations Adults Only. While it should be understood that only the person’s name listed on the invitation is invited, there are some who disregard this, as it seems is the case with your cousins. Ask for a response, and when they call to confirm make it clear again that you wish you could include all the children but you cannot. And yes, if they respond that they can’t get a sitter, “What a shame, we’ll miss you” is the perfect response. You have to be firm with them since they apparently disregard the basic rules of invitations otherwise.

This post originally appeared at my parenting blog The Gift of Good Manners. I will be cross posting some of my favorite content from that blog here at the Etiquette Daily periodically. I hope you enjoy these posts as much as I enjoyed writing them.

During a snow storm mycar ended up in a ditch on a 45 degree angle. The visibility was almost zero and I was pulling over to clean my windshield wipers. I pulled over into the ditch, which I simply could not see. I was going very slowly and was not hurt; nor was my car damaged. But I was completely stuck. Getting out of my car would have been close to impossible. Fortunately I had a cell phone and was able to call for help. It was going to be 30-45 minutes before the tow truck would arrive.

Here’s the best part. I can’t tell you how many people stopped to ask me if I needed help. It was a feat for them to stop, flashers going, getting out in this blinding storm, and offering aid. I assured them that I was fine and that help was coming, and they proceeded on their way. A policeman, a young woman, a man in his pickup, a town truck driver, an older gentleman, a tow truck driver on his way to another car, another woman, another man – countless people stopping and offering help.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank them all. It was so comforting and so generous. The care we show for each other is as deserving of gratitude as the gift we give at the holidays. I was on Falls Road in Hinesburg, Vermont, on Wednesday January 12. So if it was you, thank you; and if it wasn’t you but you stopped for someone else, thank you for that.

Note: The tow truck driver arrived in 35 minutes, did an amazing job of getting me out of the ditch (I never did have to get out of my car), and I was on my way home – very carefully, needless to say! Thanks to him also.

Q: How long do you have after you receive a present do you have to send a thank you note.

A: You should write promptly, especially if the gift was mailed or delivered, so the giver of the gift knows you received it — and appreciated it!  Within a week of receipt is a good guideline, two weeks at the very outside. The exception to this is a thank you note for a wedding gift when the bride and groom have up to three months to write, although as with any other thank you, sooner is better than later.

Q: If you are sending a holiday card to a co-worker who is married and you do not know their spouse’s first name, how would you address the envelope?

A: You can send it to “The Lees” which could be a way to get around the unknown first name problem.  While there is no guarantee of a shared last name, your coworker will no doubt appreciate the card and correct if need be.  Another option would be asking another coworker who you are close with the spouse’s name.

Q: I’ve been receiving lots of holiday e-cards, and find I feel somewhat slighted by the quick-click gesture.  Is it rude to send Yuletide greetings over the Web?

A: Concentrate on the kind sentiments, and don’t take offense: E-cards are a reality of today’s world.  They’re the only way many people have the time (or money) to send holiday wishes.  Plus, they’re eco-friendly: They don’t waste paper and don’t have to be shipped.  But not to worry- many people still love sending traditional holiday cards, so that custom is unlikely to fall by the wayside anytime soon.  Bottom line: Both ways of sending cards are acceptable.

Q: Instead of sending a present, your cousin donates to a charitable organization in your name- but for a cause you don’t support.  Should you say something?

A: Yes.  If the charity truly offends you, ask your cousin to refrain, without going into specifics.  Try, “I appreciate your generosity, but let’s just exchange cards this year.”  If she pushes, tell her honestly that you’re not comfortable being matched up with this cause.

Q: My in-laws always give my kids pj’s as a holiday gift.  I really wish they’d buy toys instead.  Do I say anything to them about this?

A: No, selecting a present is really up to the gift giver, so it wouldn’t be appropriate to ask your in-laws to follow your requests.  But if the topic comes up, it’s fine to say, “If you ever want any gift ideas, just ask me, because the kids have their wish lists done by Thanksgiving!”

Q: My daughter’s history teacher often shares her views on the election with the class.  Should I ask her not to express her beliefs to her students or be thankful my daughter is learning the importance of elections?

A: Although it’s great for an educator to discuss voting and the candidates, it’s wrong for her to promote her views in the classroom.  Her role is to teach about voters’ freedom to choose; it’s not to steer kids to the choice she thinks is best.  Say, “I’m glad you’re talking to the kids about the election, but I’m not comfortable with your sharing your political preferences.”  If she persists, alert the principal.  And after you speak with the teacher, you should be thankful your daughter is learning how important elections are and give her more perspective by explaining other views to her too.