Wedding Showers: What to do for Co-Workers Going into Second Marriages?

by epi on June 29, 2014

Q: Hi, our question is about a co-worker, who we all love and care about, who is getting married in April. She and her fiance are having a private wedding, in the Dominican Republic. . There is no family attending at their request. This is her fourth wedding and his second. What we are wondering is what would be considered appropriate for us to do for her as co-workers? We would certainly take up a collection and give them a gift certificate as a wedding gift, however, is a wedding shower appropriate? They are currently living together, both with all the ‘things’ they need. It appears as though she is hinting around that she is expecting us to do something for her but we are unsure as to what is appropriate. Your prompt response is greatly appreciated.

A: Yes, it is fine for a group of co-workers to host an office shower even though they aren’t invited to the wedding. The shower in this case is their way of wishing the couple well. Therefore, it would be fine for you and other co-workers to host a shower.

{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }

jordi June 30, 2014 at 10:59 pm

I don’t think a shower gift is necessary at all under these circumstances. A small token wedding gift if everyone is on board but not a shower gift for people with four marriages between them under their belts already. This is probably the reason they are going to have a private destination wedding anyway.

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bETTY pHELPS July 15, 2014 at 1:26 am

My son recently married (his second marriage, his wife’s third). They didn’t want me at the wedding. Do I need to give a gift?

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Alicia July 15, 2014 at 8:52 am

Need to No. You only need to give a gift if invited to the wedding that said you want to build a better relationship with your son and daughter in law I’d give a gift that has more kindness and meaning them money something like get all the family recipes printed out or an heirloom

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KIM July 15, 2014 at 1:26 pm

Question: My daughter is getting married next April, in another city (4 hrs away.) I would like to host a shower in our hometown, but the wedding is not going to be very large and several guest I would like to invite are not going to be invited to the wedding. Is this appropriate?

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Elizabeth July 15, 2014 at 2:18 pm

Unfortunately, it isn’t. If you invite someone to the shower, but not the wedding, that communicates to that person that they are only be invited for the gift and not because the couple actually cares to have them there for the wedding itself.

You can, however, hold a couple types of events that avoids this problem. You can hold a party in your hometown for the couple after their wedding, to introduce your friends to the newlyweds as a couple. Or, you could perhaps host a “bridal tea” prior to the wedding, for which there is no expectation of a gift.

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