Open Thread

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  1. Mercy2250

    I had a destination wedding in Jamaica this past October. We had over 50 guests attend. A lot of people brought cards/money gifts to the wedding and others said they were sending/giving a gift when we all got back. I wasn’t expecting gifts either way. Originally I thought I would send thank you’s to everyone, but didn’t want to seem like I was phishing for gifts and/or send one, get a gift, and send another card. I like to write thank you notes as soon as possible, so I wrote them when we got home to everyone that gave a gift, and to the attendants and others who helped out in a big way (did my makeup, etc.). As gifts trickled in the next few months, I sent out thank you cards. Now, almost 8 months later, there are some guests that did not send gifts. Apparently some guests had been upset that they did not get a thank you card, even posted about it on Facebook! Now I’m not sure what is correct, please help.

    • Jody

      Mercy, major kudos to you for promptly sending your thank you notes. Normally people do not send a “thank you” to somebody just for showing up at an event, even one as major as a wedding. It’s ungracious of those guests to complain about no thank-you note in those circumstances. I suppose it’s possible they did send a gift but you never received it, and thus didn’t send a thank-you note, but I don’t know a polite way of finding out if that’s the situation.

      • Jo

        It’s possible that the guests considered the gift of their travel expenses – hotel, flight, etc – to also be a gift in and of themselves. (I know I sure would!) So they probably expected a basic “thank you for attending” card.

  2. David

    You did a splendid job sending thank you notes and cards, promptly, and acknowledging those who helped out in different ways.
    Might some of the people complaining of not receiving a note from you be under the impression that they helped you, in some way? You may have to struggle to remember, as your special day was, no doubt, overwhelmingly busy.
    If they hadn’t helped you, in some way, I would ask them directly why they are upset that that hadn’t received a thank you card or note. Be just that direct. Then, they’ll be in the position to tell you whether they’d sent a gift you haven’t received or performed a service you may have forgotten. For them to post their disappointment on social media is beyond rude. Another option would be to tell their friends that you only acknowledged those who gave gifts and had helped out. It is bound to get back to them. This way you don’t have to confront them, yet they’ll hear about it multiple times.

  3. Loo

    I also had a destination wedding last year. I considered each person’s “gift” the fact that they came to my wedding and, thus, sent each attendee a thank you note promptly following the wedding trip. Unless you actually paid for their travel, each guest probably spent significantly more than they would have on a typical “wedding gift” and I thought that deserved to be acknowledged.

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