Open Thread

Welcome to the Etiquette Daily

This open thread is your space to use as you like. We invite you to discuss current and traditional etiquette. Feel free to ask questions of each other and the community moderators here.


  1. Cece

    My roommate is getting married next month, and I am one of her bridesmaids. She didn’t have a lot of items on her registry, and a lot of things were purchased for the shower and her engagement party. I bought my gifts for the wedding in advance, and put together a themed gift using a few things from her registry and a few things that weren’t on there (that I know she will need once I move out). However, I only purchased her four of the 12 dessert plates on her registry. She frequently checks her registry, and she always loudly complains that someone has still only purchased one of the sets of dessert plates. I know this is rude of her, but the question is: do I return the dessert plates and purchase something else, or grin, bear it, and give them to her?

    • Winifred Rosenburg

      It is up to you. I wouldn’t return it. Why go to the trouble because she is being irrational? That’s an extremely silly complaint she’s making. If you like, next time she brings it up you can say “Isn’t the point of a registry that if three different people all want to buy a set they can do that and they’ll all match, not that someone has to buy all the sets?”

      • Vanna Keiler

        Wow. Bridezilla: keeping score of the registry. While I agree with Winifred in not going to any further trouble to appease the bride at this point, she will find out who gave her only 4 of the dessert plates (if 4 only remain). Personally, I would remove myself from the drama equation: return the dinner plates and buy her something off the registry which you can afford.

    • Dulce Delamancha

      I think you are a very generous friend and roommate. Her behavior is very rude to say the least, but it also borders on bullying. It is up to you what you want to do, but I would be very tempted to return the dessert plates and buy her something else that is not in her registry. People nowadays are getting very rude and very self-entitled with this wedding stuff. Your story also strikes a cord with me because it is similar to something that happened to my husband and me. My husband is one of three brothers. He is close to the oldest brother, but no so close to the youngest brother. His youngest brother had four groomsmen, the oldest brother and three friends. My husband was actually very hurt that he was not asked to be a groomsman. He did not express it, but I know him very well. They are a big Italian family and usually all the brother and sisters are in the wedding party. I was in charge of picking a gift from the registry. I ordered one place set of silverware. I thought it was very appropriate because they were pricey enough. Also, to be honest, I did not feel like being overly generous with someone that had just snubbed my husband. Then I heard shortly after the wedding that the bride was bitterly complaining that we had only given them one place setting when almost everyone that had ordered them gave them two sets. This quite infuriated me and I was hoping to run into her and have her say to me. She is a social climber and extremely materialistic. I would have set her her straight about gift etiquette. I would have clarified in no uncertain terms that we had not violated any wedding gift etiquette, but that she was certainly violating every rule in the book with regards to it. A gift is a gift is a gift. It is not up to the person receiving gifts to decide what other people should give them. That is why is called a gift.

  2. dm

    I say give them to her! I would interpret this as being like settings of china – you may register for 8 or 12 settings, but you don’t expect one person to buy them all for you.

  3. Allison

    I would like to send thank you notes to two former college professors who have recently written recommendations for me for my Graduate School application. I do not know what these letters say because they are supposed to stay sealed for the graduate school. I know these professors are pleased I am continuing my education, but how do I properly thank them without knowing exactly what they wrote in their recommendation?
    Thank you,

  4. Dulce Delamancha

    I hope that someone out there can give me an answer to this situation. I am a curious person. I always need to know the answer or the logic to things I do not understand. Here is what happened recently. About 8 months ago I went to a poker night/dinner for the first time at the house of a lady I have known for some time. Since the engagement was at 5:00 p.m., and it was a very sunny day, I was wearing my sunglasses. I placed my sunglasses at a tray in the entry table. Upon leaving, around 9:30 p.m., I accidentally left the sunglasses at her house. I sent a thank you card for the dinner and enjoyable night and advised that I had left the sunglasses at her house. Since I see her at other people’s homes for similar events, I just asked that she bring the glasses with her at the next occasion. Since then I have seen her at a couple of gatherings and she has never mentioned my sunglasses. Fast forward —about 3 weeks ago, I went to my brother-in-laws for drinks and dinner. He is a bachelor and the other people there, about six of us, were all family. Again, I accidentally left behind my sunglasses (I know, I need to improve on this.). He texted the same night to me letting me know that he had the sunglasses. I saw him about a week later for dinner at a restaurant with the same group. He mentioned quickly the sunglasses and said that he had them in his car. We went to his apartment for a nightcap. When it was time to go home, he said he was going to retrieve the sunglasses from his car. He came back shortly thereafter announcing that he could not find them in the car. The first pair of sunglasses were not pricey, but this second pair was designer sunglasses and not so easy to replace. I asked him via text a couple of days later to look for them as it would “hurt” to lose them. A day later he texted that he had found them after looking for them more thoroughly. I asked him to bring them the next time he visits. I usually see him frequently, but I have not seen him for a while now.

    My puzzlement over all of this is that these two individuals are generous people which are quite gracious when guests are in their homes. I can only judge a situation based on who I am and what I would do. It would never occur to me to keep anything that a guest has left behind. In fact, it has happened a few times and I have always made a good effort to return the item promptly. I do not understand this behavior. I may be naive, but all of this is truly puzzling to me. Has anyone had a similar situation. Any comments about the motivations of these two people. It seems crazy to me that you would lost someone’s trust for a few dollars.

    • Alicia

      So you are forgetful about your sunglasses yet when your friends are as well you accuse them of trying to steal??? Wow you expect others to be careful with your stuff when you are not. The onus is on you to ask when you can drop over and pick up your forgotten item not the hostess to figure out you theoretical social plans and always have your glasses at the ready.
      P.s. as i write this I see on my mantal my friends sunglasses. I have had them for months. He has been here twice without remembering to bring them home. In addition I have seen him out several times without knowing in advance for sure he would be at an event.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *