Open Thread

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This open thread is your space to use as you like. We invite you to discuss current and traditional etiquette. Feel free to ask questions of each other and the community moderators here.


  1. Stephanie

    Is it appropriate to do a combination celebration / fundraiser and, if so – how to word?
    (We want people to come celebrate the adoption of a 5 year old and also want to raise funds for a non-profit in her honor.) I have been reading blogs for days to see where etiquette has morphed over the years. I am aware mention of gifts is still, for the most part, taboo but, since people expect to bring gifts not mentioning them does not seem to be fooling anyone :) The reality is, it is a dual purpose party so what is the least offensive way to let people know. Not a fan of “in lieu of” as it sounds like bring a gift or your checkbook so I am stuck. this is as far as I have gotten…. please consider a donation to…. for…. in …..’s honor. ? Ugggh. and thank you!

    • Alicia

      Not a good idea. Do two separate events. 1st event a meet the kid celebration of the kid becoming part of your family. Second and separate event fundraiser for the adoption agency or organization that you wish to fundraiser for. The message otherwise is that you do not want anyone to meet your kid unless they are willing top pay for the privileged and turns it into pimping your kid out.

      • Stephanie

        Thank you. She has been here a year so she has made the rounds. :) But, I can say … No gifts, please right?

        • Alicia

          Well no gifts is always a tricky thing to say and in particular as you most specifically do want gifts. You want the gift of peoples money for the fundraiser you want to do.
          If what you want is just a party but no gifts for the kid and that is the only reason you are bringing the fundraiser aspect into this then you can get no gifts and no fundraiser really easy. Simply invite people to
          “Smith Family Party!! Come join us on date time type of party location”
          Then you can do an announcement at the party that it is in honor of your daughter becoming a smith or whatever. But if you host an event that is not a gift giving event you avoid the whole issue.

  2. Ruth Peltier

    This Kid is five years old ….he/she is old enough to know the party is in his/her honor. Let people bring gifts. I am sure the kid is excited and what would gifts hurt ?

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