Open Thread

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  1. Jessica

    To invite or not to invite? That is the question!
    Q: I have been invited to numerous weddings. Now being recently engaged and planning my own wedding, I necessarily wouldn’t have thought of inviting some people that invited me to their wedding. One of these weddings will have occurred one year from mine! I didn’t realize how fast the guest list adds up with family, close friends, and plus ones. Some of these potential invitees I do speak with on a monthly basis, however I have closer friends that would definitely make the list first. What to do? I do not want to be rude but I do not want to break the bank.

    • Jody

      Jessica, that is a tough one. First, congratulations on your upcoming wedding.

      My opinion is that you and your fiance should decide the budget and type of reception and stick to it — whether it’s a more elaborate seated dinner or a “cake and punch” less elaborate reception. Once that’s settled you’ll know how many people you can invite. I’d start with your list of “must attends” — whether that’s family or close friends and plus-ones. Then if you find you have room on your guest list you can add the others. If anybody expresses dismay or makes a comment about not being invited (which is in itself rude) you can explain that you and your fiance had decided to keep it a smaller function and therefore had to limit the size of the guest list.

      • Elizabeth

        Actually, the common wisdom is to start with the guest list first. Figure out who you want to have with you on your special day, and then design a wedding and reception that can accommodate those people and is within your budget. As in, don’t decide you want a super-lavish wedding, and then figure out that you can’t invite half the people who should really be there. This doesn’t really help the OP, though.

        You are not necessarily obligated to invite someone to your wedding just because you were invited to theirs. You may choose to have a more intimate wedding, with just close family and friends. Or, you may have a large wedding and these people still might not make the cut. The choice is yours (and your fiance’s). These people may very well be hurt as a result of being excluded, and there’s not much you can do about that except to offer (if asked) a line about having an intimate wedding and not being able to invite everyone.

  2. Sheila Wyatt

    My son was married a year ago and an issue arose about grandparents and their place at the table. My mother is a widow, although she and my father separated but never divorced. She has a “friend” with whom she goes to the casino, day trips etc, and each time I have visited at Christmas, and birthdays etc, he is there although they do not live together. My son and his fiancé wanted the parents to sit together and her Grandmother, my son wished that my mother also sit with us. Her fiancé’s grandmother is widowed and was there alone. The problem was, my mother’s “friend” would be sitting where my father should have sat. He is not my father , nor my son’s grandfather and only recently began dating my mother. My father’s siblings were at the wedding as well and I felt uncomfortable – I left the decision up to my son and his fiancé and said I would go with what they felt was right. Things stayed as they were but I wondered what would have been the proper thing to do? Or was this fine as it was and Im the one who felt it odd?

    • Alicia

      If I understand you, your mother’s date was sitting next to her. That is correct and the only kind option towards your mother and her date.

  3. Pat

    Easter Day
    My husband and I, as we always do went to his brothers house for dinner, after dinner my sister-in-law brings out these Easter Bags as she called them. She gave one to everyone in the room. His mother 93, her son 41 and his girl friend, her daughter 38 and her boyfriend. And I just sat there, none for me and my husband. My husband was out of the room when this happened. So feeling confused of what just happened I got up and walked out of the room to find my husband. Shortly after my finding him we left, and on the way home I told him what had happened. He turns and looks at me and says that he was in living room talking to his brother telling him a truck story. His mom interrupt him and tells him to shut up, and let someone else talk. The thing is that there was only him, his brother, and his mother in the room. He asked her if there was something she wanted to say, and she would not speak. What a day! So my question to you is : when would have been the best time for her to bring out the Easter Bags being that she didn’t have one for everyone? I’m thinking after we had left….

    • Elizabeth

      Is this normal behavior from your husband’s family? In both cases, I think their behavior and comments were rude, but they can also be chalked up to cluelessness and/or crankiness. This kind of thing doesn’t seem so bad that I would bring it up unless it is part of a much larger pattern and you are at your wit’s end.

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