Flower Power: Should my older daughter be a junior bridesmaid instead of a flower girl?

by epi on April 6, 2014

Q: My niece asked both of my daughters to be her flower girls for her wedding.  The girls are 11 and 7.  Does it matter what age they are if both are excited to be flower girls?  Also, is there a tactful way to suggest that maybe the older girl should be a junior bridesmaid if she feels the role is too babyish?

 

 

A: The usual “top” age for a flower girl is seven.  Therefore, your younger daughter can appropriately be a flower girl, but it might be more in keeping with matters of age if your older daughter is indeed a junior bridesmaid, and it would not be inappropriate to ask.  All this means is that she would dress similarly to the other bridesmaids and walk in the processional and recessional in that role.  She would not be expected to “chip in” for a shower or bridesmaids gift to the bride, be invited to a bachelorette party, or other events more typically appropriate for older attendants.  It also does not mean that there must be a junior usher to pair her with. There is no requirement for attendants to be matched in number and their “walking” order is arranged accordingly. If the bride prefers that your older daughter be a flower girl and your daughter doesn’t mind, it is fine and no one will think a thing of it, but it is okay to ask anyway if you would like to.

{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

Alicia April 6, 2014 at 6:22 pm

If both are excited to be flower girls and that is what the bride wants them to be then yes you should allow both to be flower girls and not create problems by suggesting a different ( could seem to the kids to be higher role ) for the older girl. Honestly suggesting the change to the girls or to the bride is likely going to make everyone but you less happy. I know that when were in my aunts wedding and my sister who was one year older got to be a jr bridesmaid vs a flower girl it caused issues I was 12 at the wedding and fine with the flower girl except the fact that my 13 year old sister was a jr bridesmaid. Also really whats the difference if everyone else is happy let it go.
p.s. I’ve seen flower girls ( well flower woman ) as old as 84. ( A friends great aunt was her flower woman)

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Danielle April 9, 2014 at 6:56 pm

Totally inappropriate to ask. It’s so not a big enough deal to bother the bride with this. It’s seriously hurting NOBODY to have two flower girls of this age. The only etiquette rules that I think you need to fret over are the ones that are going to stop someone from experiencing discomfort or embarrassment. Those like this age rule for FGs need to go by the wayside.

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