Open Thread

by epi on March 19, 2014

Welcome to the Etiquette Daily

This open thread is your space to use as you like. We invite you to discuss current and traditional etiquette. Feel free to ask questions of each other and the community moderators here.

{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }

polite punk March 19, 2014 at 11:36 am

I have a long first name that is often shortened (example: “Stephanie” becoming just “Steph”). I don’t really like the shortened version of it and prefer that people call me by my full first name. I always sign my full name in emails and never refer to myself by the shortened version.

This has been going on for years. For some time, it didn’t bother me as much, but now, especially in professional settings, it does. It seems like I can’t shake it though because everyone keeps introducing me to other people as “Steph.” Occasionally, there are times where I’m able to insert my full name, for example:

Friend One: Do you guys know each other? Steph meet Jane. Jane meet Steph.
Me: Hi. [I'm] Stephanie.
Jane: Hi, Steph.

There are hundreds of people who call me Steph and I feel like it keeps growing. I know they don’t mean to be rude, but I still would prefer to be called my full name. Without being rude to people, how do I get this to stop?

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Alicia March 19, 2014 at 11:58 am

Stephanie: Hi. I’m Stephanie.
Jane: Hi, Steph.
Stephanie: Jane it is so nice to meet you. I actually prefer to be called Stephanie. So how do you know our host and hostess?

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polite punk March 19, 2014 at 12:00 pm

Right. That’s not that hard.

The bigger question is how to get people who have been calling me Steph for years to stop.

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Alicia March 19, 2014 at 12:10 pm

I dated a guy named Gregory for a while who was slowly getting people to start calling him Greg. It will take time but as you introduce yourself and say in front of other friends that you prefer Gregory ( and talk to a few really close friends and get them to switch) everyone else will switch over the period of about a year. So ask a few close friends to start calling you Stephanie and then always introduce yourself and refer to yourself as Stephanie and slowly people will switch. There will be holdouts but the majority of people will switch within 6 months.

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Taylor March 19, 2014 at 3:03 pm

My fiance is in the military and is currently deployed. We plan on getting married at the Justice of the Peace when he gets home. My parents want to have a party/reception for us later in the year with all our family and friends. Now, should I send out an elopement announcement with the party details or should I just send out the party invite? Also, I know this sounds shallow, but I still want gifts even though we’re eloping. How does that work? Do I put on the invitation “registered at…”. I don’t want to be rude…

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Alicia March 19, 2014 at 3:22 pm

You never send an invite with registry info. Ever!

You do not send out elopment announcement those are called wedding announcements and go out the same day or after the wedding occurs to people who might be interested. They are not gift requests.

Post wedding party. Depends on the timeline but assuming two or more months post wedding then invites would go out post wedding.

People may or may not send you gifts. Gifts should not be expected but yes people will send a bunch of them. They should not be tied to being invited to the wedding but yes you will get fewer as a result of not inviting people. But what matters is at the end of the day you will be married to the person you love and that is a better gift then anything else you will get for your wedding.

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Kelly March 19, 2014 at 11:05 pm

My husbands mom just recently passed. He was given a cedar from his mom. Inside the chest was a comforter. The rest of his siblings knew this. I was given the matching pillow later and was told by them to take it that it belonged with the comforter. I did.
Later the sister of my husband became upset because she wasn’t in control over everyone and everything. Especially me. I’ve done nothing to my knowledge to upset her. I understand deaths and these circumstances can be very sensitive and especially when it comes to the material things left. She, my husband and his brother later met to discuss some of their issues. She told my husband that she wanted the comforter back from me that she purchased it. She holds other comforters that I also liked but she would say, “Lets wait”. Her way of saying no. After she became infuriated with how things were going for her, she decided later that she wants to take the comforter away form me. Its a long story, but I feel they all knew I had the comforter and the pillow to this set was given to me by her and another brother that we wanted to keep all sets together. Now she’s mad and I fell like again wants to attack me by asking for something that was given back. I have laundered the comforter and am very grateful for it. It was my mother in laws. What would you do? My husband wants me to have it, but I don’t want to think that anyone thinks of me as selfish.

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Winifred Rosenburg March 20, 2014 at 8:26 am

If it was given to you, it is yours and you do not have to give it to anyone else. If it comes up, just say “I don’t think so,” and leave it at that.

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Bronwyn March 20, 2014 at 6:56 am

The other day I was at a luncheon for International Women’s Day. Entrees had been served not long before the guest speaker’s speech, and I wasn’t sure if it was appropriate for me to keep eating or not.

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Nina March 20, 2014 at 3:09 pm

Hi Bronwyn,

Sounds like a nice event! I don’t know the official answer but in my experience if food is served at the table, the expectation is that you will eat it. In practice, this is often done right before a speech because if people are listening to a speech and get bored, they’ll often wander in and out of the room or talk to their neighbours, both of which are distracting to the speaker and the audience. If they have something nice to eat, it will keep them entertained and quiet, so those that are interested can listen!

Take care,
Nina

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