Open Thread

by epi on March 6, 2014

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This open thread is your space to use as you like. We invite you to discuss current and traditional etiquette. Feel free to ask questions of each other and the community moderators here.

{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

Mercy March 6, 2014 at 2:48 pm

My best friend has asked for my advice.
The situation is that her uncle lost his wife about 3 years ago, and has been seeing a lady exclusively for about 2 and a half years. They are in each other’s company almost all the time.
My friend plans to have only family at the wedding, although there will be others invited to the reception.
She has asked whether it would be more appropriate for her to invite her “uncle and guest,” sending an invitation to his “significant other” to the reception only, or whether she should send them each an invitation to both the wedding and the reception, including in the invitation to her uncle “and guest,” knowing he would bring his lady with him. Church size is not an issue…it would hold all the people invited to the wedding and the reception.
My take is to send an invitation to each of them inviting them each to the wedding and the reception, but including in the invitation to her uncle her “uncle and guest.” No extra people, no hurt feelings, all’s well that ends well!
Is there a more “proper” way of handling a situation like this, or is there one???
Thanks!

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EveMarieR March 10, 2014 at 1:28 pm

I am having a destination wedding in Europe where we have rented a house that can accommodate up to 36 guests. We had to be very strict with the limited guest list and there are a lot of disappointed family members on both sides. I had invited my aunt’s (by marriage) mother out of courtesy to the kind lady who has known me my whole life, but she is elderly and cannot attend. Her adult son (who lives with her) is asking if he can take her place. He was not named on the invitation and his sibling (other than my aunt, his sister) are not invited either. I am getting a lot of pressure from my aunt that since we have not received enough RSVPs (so far) to fill every single bed in the house, his taking the place of an invited guest is “no big deal”. How do I deal with this situation?

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Winifred Rosenburg March 10, 2014 at 5:43 pm

It is not up to them to determine whom should be invited, and it is rude for them to request invitations. Simply say, “we will be having an intimate wedding with people we are close with and cannot add any invitations beyond the original ones we sent out.” Do not get sucked into an argument beyond this; just stick to your guns.

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Alicia March 10, 2014 at 6:04 pm

You say no. Giving into this type of pressure only results in worse hurt feeling down the road. No. Just say it and be strong.

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