Open Thread

by epi on February 25, 2014

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This open thread is your space to use as you like. We invite you to discuss current and traditional etiquette. Feel free to ask questions of each other and the community moderators here.

{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

Sally February 25, 2014 at 5:25 pm

My fiancée and I have been planning our wedding with the financial help of my mother, and it’s four months away (save the dates have gone out, invitations have not). Recently, my fiancée mentioned that his mother, who has not been involved in the planning process or contributing financially, would like to add guests to the ceremony and reception. I’d love to be able to include more people, but our budget’s already been set and we really can’t afford to add more guests to the guest list. We also can’t remove anyone from the guest list since save the dates have already gone out. My question is, should I just try to accommodate her guests or can I tell her the truth, that we don’t have the money in the budget to add on any more guests?

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Elizabeth February 25, 2014 at 5:44 pm

Was she consulted at all about the guest list, or is she now trying to add more on top of an earlier list? Is she trying to add peripheral people (like her own friends) or is she asking to add immediate family (such as your fiancé’s aunt or grandmother)?

Your fiance should have sat down with his mother and determined with her which family and friends from their side was important to invite. Whether or not she contributes does not have any bearing on whether your fiance invites people from his side. However, if you already have planned to invite a healthy amount of groom’s side people, and the mother wants to add people that neither you nor your fiance know or care to have at the wedding, then you should be honest and tell her that it will not be possible to add those people. People should not be added simply on her request – it’s important that you both want them there too, and some people feel as though symmetry is important: if you are inviting all the aunts and uncles from your side, then all the aunts and uncles from his side should be invited as well (barring anything unusual).

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Elise February 25, 2014 at 8:13 pm

On the wedding invitation, I’m adding the RSVP at the bottom as follows:
Kindly reply by the fifteenth of april to (phone number)
Is the “to” correct or should I replace the “to” with a dash or blank space?
Thanks in advance for your help!

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Elizabeth February 25, 2014 at 10:47 pm

Either is fine. You may want to provide a name for the RSVP.
“Kindly reply by the fifteenth of April to Janine at 890-555-1212″

You may also want to include an email address. People generally dislike calling numbers of people they don’t know, and it is so much easier to send an email.

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