Open Thread

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  1. Katie

    I have searched high and low for the answer to my question and cannot find it anywhere – I hope you can help!

    My husband is a physician so his title is “Dr.” but when we receive wedding invitations I never know how to correctly fill out the response card (they always seem to pre-print the “M” for Mr.). Do I ignore the “M” and just write Dr. and Mrs. Joe Smith? Or do I write Mr. and Mrs. Joe Smith (since technically even though he is “Dr.” he is also still “Mr.”?

    I don’t want to appear to be bragging about my husband’s profession but, on the other hand, he has been through over 10 years of training and has earned that title.

    Please help!

    • Elizabeth

      Yes, you should ignore the M and write Dr. and Mrs. Joe Smith. It isn’t bragging, he is absolutely entitled to go by Dr. and it is the title he uses both socially and professionally.

    • Winifred Rosenburg

      I agree with Elizabeth. I also wanted to mention that you always have the option of ignoring the response card and writing your own letter of response. The cards are there for convenience, but you are not required to use it.

  2. first time bride, second time groom

    ok. I am originally from Idaho and am currently living in NY going to school and just recently got engaged. This will be my first wedding but my fiancee’s second. Recently I was talking with a woman I worked with about having a small engagement party with some friends and family (this would be mostly his, since my family is all the way in Idaho and could probably only come for the actual wedding) and she mentioned that an engagement party would be inappropriate since it would only be his family who attended his first wedding festivities, that would be coming. Me and my fiancee have talked about how he does not want a big wedding since this will be a second wedding and I totally respect that. I have rethought everything that I always dreamed my wedding would be and we are both happy with the plans. We will not be registering for gifts which I am totally fine with.. Since his family will be most of the guests I do not expect them to give anything, I just want them with us to celebrate. This is my first wedding, I do want to have an engagement party etc. the only problem is, my family is not here for all of that -at least my extended family. Is it wrong to have a small engagement party with our friends and his family?

    • Elizabeth

      An engagement party is not a gift-giving occasion, like a shower, so the rules about only giving gifts for one wedding (therefore avoiding inviting his family, because then they would have to give you gifts) do not apply. Your coworker is incorrect. Further, I would encourage you to rethink your stance on the registry. Your side will certainly want to give you gifts, and it’s a good way of making your preferences known. Many people find registries very useful, I know I do. His family, too, will want to give you gifts, and there’s nothing wrong with registering for what you need. It sounds as though you are compromising a lot, and while it is understandable for your fiance not to want a huge wedding, there should be a compromise since you haven’t had one and it sounds like you did dream of one.

  3. I am extremely allergic to dogs. My throat will close up, etc. even if they put the dog away. How to I handle friends who invite me to their homes repeatedly? Do I make an excuse occasion by occasion, or do I level with them and tell them I cannot ever come to their home? Many animal lovers consider their pets part of the family and seem to take offense almost when you “refuse” to enter their home because they own an animal.

    • Elizabeth

      I wonder if the problem is in your delivery? No rational person could take issue if you said, “You know, I think dogs are so cute, but my allergies are so bad that I can’t even be in a space where a dog was. I wish I could come and visit you in your house, but unfortunately my allergies simply don’t allow for it.” I think you should be very open about the reason, even being quite explicit about your symptoms if you are pressed on it. Making other excuses probably just seems like you don’t want to visit, or are hiding the real reason. You actually have a very good reason that has nothing to do with judging them or their pets. I have a dog and a cat, and I would absolutely understand that it wasn’t personal if someone declined an invitation because of a severe allergy.

    • Cat

      Hi Micki.

      I do not understand your question, but I will say that whoever is invited to the reception should be invited to the ceremony also, and vice versa, as the reception is the party to celebrate the important event, the ceremony, of two people getting married.

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