Gift Giving: How many presents do I give if I attend two wedding showers and the wedding?

Q: I have been invited to two showers and a wedding for the same couple.  Am I required to buy three gifts or is it okay to buy one large gift for the wedding?

A: You should first decide if you will attend both showers.  You should attend the first and if you decide to forego the second, send your regrets.  You should bring one gift to the first wedding shower (remember gifts must only be what you can afford to give).  If you attend the second shower bring a small token of your appreciation.  Maybe you could make a small booklet of your favorite recipes, or, if you have a nice photo of the couple you could make a frame for it.  You are also obliged to bring a gift to the wedding that is separate from your shower gift.


  1. Winifred Rosenburg

    I disagree. I don’t think someone invited to two showers needs to bring a gift to both showers, token or not. First of all, it is rude to invite someone to two showers unless the person is immediate family or a bridal party member. If he or she does fit one of those categories, he or she is invited to give the person the opportunity to participate in all wedding events, not to impose on them having to give additional gifts. This sounds like something people started doing because they were embarrassed to show up without a gift, which is a silly reason to do anything particularly because the bride will of course know you gave a gift at the other shower and as far as anyone else is concerned your gift could have been delayed in shipping or something (not that it’s any of the other guests’ business). IMO EPI should be trying to avoid the implication that etiquette is about doing things for appearances.

  2. Kristin

    I have recently heard brides talking about how much they are paying for their wedding by discolsing the price per head because they expect a gift in return for the same amount. (i.e. $250/head, gift must be equal to $250)

    This was shocking to me! This has become a business transaction instead of what it was truly meant to be, an event/party to help them celebrate their wedding. I believe you should bring a gift to a wedding but only what you can afford to spend.

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