Open Thread

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  1. KHR

    Regarding addressing wedding invitations, with a child younger than 18 I understand that you address them on the inner envelope, first name only, on a line below their parents. Should I use their formal first name or what they commonly go by?

  2. KHR

    How formal should you be when addressing a Save the Date or party invitation? Mr./Mrs. John Doe or Jane and John Doe? What about a judge? Is it still The Honorable and Mrs. John Doe?

    • Elizabeth

      I suppose you would want to be as formal as you are planning on being with the invitations themselves. The second part you have right.

  3. Leigh Cooper

    I asked my best friend to be my maid of honor in my wedding. This was my second wedding, a very small intimate ceremony. She graciously accepted at the time. Shortly afterwards, she helped me select my beautiful wedding gown. At the time, she wasn’t ready to select her dress because she wanted to lose some weight. After a couple of months, I tried to contact her to start looking for her dress to wear in the wedding. Instead of returning my call she texted me that she was going through a very hard time in her life having to move, not receiving financial support from her ex husband etc. I asked her to call me so that we could talk about her situation and as a concerned friend I was worried about her. She refused to call me. After a few weeks, I tried to reach out again to her and she again would only respond through texts or email. Again, reminding me about her current situation and how her life was falling apart. I was beginning to grow very concerned as to why she still wouldn’t accept my phone calls so we could discuss. A serious matter like this didn’t seem appropriate over texts and emails. I was concerned about my best friend, and at the time I didn’t care about the dress. After many attempts to talk with her and many weeks went by waiting for a response, I felt stuck between a rock and a hard place knowing I had a time limit to get the dress ordered for her in time. So once again I had to hesitantly ask her again about looking for her bridesmaid’s dress, so I gently tried to bring it up again. I left her a voicemail, texts, and even emails. No response other than texts. I offered to go and find dresses, ship them to her to try on so she wouldn’t have to be inconvenienced. I sent her photos from stores and emailed photos from websites. She wouldn’t send me any measurements. Her response to me was that I needed to understand that she was going through a hard time and continue to wait until she was ready to get a dress. She also told me that a true friend wouldn’t care about a dress and just be fine with letting her grab one off of a rack somewhere. I felt very sad and frustrated not knowing what to do in this situation. I love and care for my best friend, but she didn’t seem to care that I was planning a wedding and that it was a very special/important time in my life. So again instead of a phone call two, three months went by without a single phone call from her to even talk. She would still only text or write me emails. I was supposed to be the understanding and supportive friend of someone who wouldn’t even give me a phone call. After weeks/months of frustration and being hurt, I “texted” her yet once again giving her an “out” from the wedding maybe thinking that’s what she really wanted and didn’t have the heart to tell me. So I offered to have her come to the wedding stress free as my best friend and that my sister could stand in place as my maid of honor. No hard feelings, just total compassion and understanding was in my heart. I initially didn’t ask my sister to be my maid of honor because I have three sisters and I didn’t want to hurt the other two sisters feelings. But after the situation with my best friend I had no choice. So after sending the request to my best friend to give her the “out” she became furious and texted me back that all I cared about was just a dress and not her life at the time. I ended up with my sweet sister as my maid of honor, who was more than thrilled. She was the best maid of honor I could have ever asked for! She went over and beyond the call of duty! My best friend and her mom both ended up not coming to the wedding this past November . It really hurt and was not a pleasant memory that I want to have from my wedding. I will never forget her choice to not even be there. She still hasn’t returned my calls starting from last May 2013, almost a year now. I am still very saddened by what happened. I am hoping for some clarification so I can move on and understand my place in this. I am willing to apologize for anything that I did that was inappropriate but I’m having a hard time grasping what I should apologize for. Any advice would be helpful! Thank You!

    • Winifred Rosenburg

      From your description, it doesn’t sound to me like you did anthing wrong. Your obligation was to be there for her as a friend and to cut her some slack when it came to her obligations. You did both of those things. Falling on hard times does not mean she was exempt from all standards of courtesy. Not returning phone calls right away would have been understandable. Not returning phone calls ever is just plain inconsiderate. I do not think you owe her an apology. How you should proceed depends on how badly you want to repair your friendship. Your friend sounds quite stubborn so a courtesy apology might not even be enough for her.

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