Open Thread

by epi on January 22, 2014

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This open thread is your space to use as you like. We invite you to discuss current and traditional etiquette. Feel free to ask questions of each other and the community moderators here.

{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }

PJ January 22, 2014 at 7:38 am

A close friend and mentor to my husband is leaving his job and moving on to better things. My husband’s immediate supervisor is planning a farewell dinner at his house, on a mid-week night, rather than a Thursday/Friday. I am also friendly with the person being honored, and would like to go to the event. My husband mentioned this to his supervisor, who then said that I hadn’t been invited, so it’s not an issue that it would be difficult for me to attend.
Normally, I would be fine with this, since it would be assumed that it was an office event. But the event is being held in his house, where his wife and child will also be in attendance.
The honoree, also has a good relationship with my child, who would like to say goodbye to him.
What is the right thing to do?

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Alicia January 22, 2014 at 9:16 am

You were not invited and thus should not have asked to attend. It is a work dinner and thus acceptable to only invite coworkers. Perhaps you should host this mentor another day.

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Elizabeth January 22, 2014 at 2:06 pm

IT is still an office event, even though its being held in a private home. You were not invited, you pressed on the issue through your husband, and it was reiterated: you are not invited. Please do not embarrass your husband by trying to attend, and, even worse by bringing your child to a business dinner!

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Karen January 22, 2014 at 1:54 pm

This is a two part question. First, I have had the joy of being added to a “group” text message. I don’t mind when its something important, but the other day my neighbor “group texted” us to tell us all to watch out for deer. (which I suppose is thoughtful, although we all see them every single day) The irritating part is everyone’s responses. Those 10 people all respond with stupid comments like thanks, and OMG I saw deer too! Another time, this same “group” sender announced to all the neighbors that her father had died! Of course, the condolonces went on and on. I simply sent her a single text and said I didn’t like to “group text or text” my condolonces but since she was far away, I wanted her to know we were thinking of her. How can I tell her to please stop putting me in group texts and/ or emails?!
Second, my neighbor is a sweet person but has alot of time on her hands. So, she tends to be in everyone’s business. My husband and I are very private and handle life’s challenges with our closest friends and family. She tends to go overboard.(same one that announced her father’s death via text) If someone has a tooth removed, she’s cooked meals for the entire week, new nieghbor…time to have a party, it’s your kids birthday? Here’s balloons. I know she is being nice and wanted to feel needed, but I find it so intrusive. How do I nicely deny her over abundance of outreach if it’s directe at me??

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Winifred Rosenburg January 22, 2014 at 2:48 pm

EPI answered your first question recently: http://www.etiquettedaily.com/2014/01/system-overload-how-do-avoid-getting-a-slew-of-unwanted-text-messages/

For your second question, it depends on the specifics. A lot of these situations can be avoided simply by not sharing details of your life. If she makes a gesture that is an appropriate neighbor-to-neighbor gesture, it’s best to just say thank you and leave it at that. If she does something that is really over the top, you can refuse and say “no, I couldn’t possibly accept such generosity.”

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