Open Thread

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This open thread is your space to use as you like. We invite you to discuss current and traditional etiquette. Feel free to ask questions of each other and the community moderators here.


  1. soniascott

    i am meeting my sons going to be new inlaws. i know everyone pays for their own meal but,do i take a gift? flowers,chocolates?

    • Elizabeth

      Where will you be meeting them, and who did the inviting? If they are hosting you at their home, then it would make sense to bring a little gift. If you invited them, or they invited you, then the hosts of the event should be paying for the meals. If the kids invited you all, then they should be paying for the meals. Everyone going dutch is not a default, but something that would have been explicitly stated in advance.

      You cannot go wrong with bringing a little gift, but flowers would probably not be smart if you’re going out, because where would they put them during the meal? Something small that could fit into a purse, like a small box of chocolates would be best. However, a gift would not be expected, and you should be prepared for the possibility that they will not bring anything for you.

  2. tyler

    QUESTION: Who replaces her husband to seat grandmother of bride? Help quick. Wedding on Friday.
    I am ushing at a traditional formal wedding. The only living grandmother’s husband has suddently taken very ill and will not be able to walk his wife up the aisle, at her time to be seated. She is the patriarch of the entrie local family, and I am am from out of town and barely know her, and am 2 or 3 generations younger than her ailing husband or than her own son. So I feel very uncomfortable that a church official asked ME to ush her to her seat, taking the place of the nonattending husband. That seems like a really serious breach to me, with her son there. It seems obvious that with her husband out, her closest and eldest relative should be asked to replace the ailing husband instead of me a comparative stranger . Obviously I’m willing. But I think this will be a totally unneeded knife into her closest relative.

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