Open Thread

by epi on December 13, 2013

Welcome to the Etiquette Daily

This open thread is your space to use as you like. We invite you to discuss current and traditional etiquette. Feel free to ask questions of each other and the community moderators here.

{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

R Douglas December 14, 2013 at 10:31 am

Showing appreciation at Christmas is one of the greatest blessings at Christmas, but there is a very important group of persons consistently left off gift or tip list, ministers. Ministers give so much of their lives to the service they yield, and most are woefully underpaid, often living well below the national average. Yet they are in the hospitals, nursing homes, funeral homes, schools and members’ homes daily encouraging and helping and caring. They also devote hours in study and research to present timely and helpful lessons. The least we can and should do is show them our gratitude and love. Their lives enhance our lives, and their skills could have brought them much higher salaries in the workplace, yet still they serve God and us.


Alicia December 15, 2013 at 9:35 pm

Many also have vows of poverty that prevent them from accepting that sort of tip at least in my faith. So I would never tip a minister or priest as that is considered an insult to them and something that puts them in an alkward spot where due to their vows they must refuse.


Vanna Keiler December 16, 2013 at 2:21 pm

I agree with Alicia. A religious leader’s job is somewhat unique from other service providers (e.g. wait staff, hairdresser). True, he/she does provide a “service”, but it is in the spiritual realm, and many places of worship do not charge for their services (I think?). How about making a donation to the minister’s church instead, or giving the minister a gift certificate and card or just a present (homemade goodies?), as a gesture of appreciation.


Gail December 15, 2013 at 6:55 pm

We were invited to a get together “from 2-8″ to which we RSVPed in a timely manner. On the day of the occasion we found that my husband had to work (he is self employed.) We decided that we could still attend since there was a time range and we thought we could get there during that time. Unfortunately, things did not go as planned for my husband and at 6pm he was still working with no end in sight. Should we have called the hostess at that point and interupted the party or should we have apologized and explained the next day?


Alicia December 15, 2013 at 9:33 pm

You should have gone without your husband and he should have made every effort to join you. But if he could not you should have attended and made your apologies to the host on his behalf in person.


Elizabeth December 16, 2013 at 12:51 am

In this situation, I find texting to be a convenient medium of communication. You can text your apologies, and if the hostess has a spare moment and checks her phone, she will see your message. If she is preoccupied with other guests, she won’t see it until later. In either case, you can follow up with a phone call. While a phone call can be intrusive, a text can be replied to immediately or later per their convenience.


Selena December 16, 2013 at 11:35 pm

I received a save the date card last summer for a Christmas wedding. I marked my calendar and was looking forward to attending the wedding. I never received the actual wedding invitation though. Should I assume the invitation was lost in the mail and attend anyway?


Elizabeth December 17, 2013 at 2:51 pm

Your question was answered where you originally posted it:


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