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  1. Rebecca

    My friend is having a destination wedding. As part of the bridal party, we are in the process of planning her shower (which will be local), however her guest list is just short of 100 people! While we are planning on splitting the cost between all of the bridesmaids, that is still a significant amount of money in addition to the cost of traveling for the wedding and all of the other typical bridesmaid duties. We’ve already asked to see if she can ‘trim’ her list and I realize that not everyone will come to the shower, but is there anything else we can do or say? She has a BIG family so it’s not that her list is just friends… (None of our houses is big enough and it will be winter in Seattle so outside is not an option. Plus, even if we didn’t provide a whole meal, we would still need to rent a place and provide basic munchies and drinks.)

    • Alicia

      Absolutely as the hosts you get a say in size. You need to talk to the other hosts and as a group figure out a budget by adding together what all of you can afford. Then discuss style and location and figure out how many people you can host. Then you all go to bride and tell her that she can pick up to X number of guests( I recommend something like 25) A 100 person shower is immense and too large to be the close personal event that showers are supposed to be. If she will not cull the list let her know that the hostesses will have to cull the list. ( I would cull in order bride,bridal party , moms, sisters, grandmoms,aunts but you and the other hostesses will have to make that choice)

  2. You should bring the bride into the planning. Tell her what you’ve told us here – you have a budget and are finding it impossible to keep within it given the large number of people she wishes to invite. Sit her down, explain the dilemma and offer up alternatives to get the ball rolling:
    * does she know someone who has home big enough to host that many people
    * will she help find a venue within that budget
    * if not will she cut down the list
    otherwise you cannot afford this type of shower.

    The bride really needs to be involved in coming up with a solution. You have a say in the guest list – and so does she. i’m sure you can it out together.

    Another small point – all these 100 people are going to be invited to the destination wedding I assume. Everyone invited to the shower must be invited to the wedding or it’s really a gift grab.

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