Etiquette Daily’s Greatest Hits: When brides ask you to address your thank-you note

Etiquette Daily’s “Greatest Hits” are questions that generated a great deal of conversation when they were originally posted. At the Emily Post Institute we have learned that some etiquette questions never go out of style and are bringing back a few of these popular conundrums for your further consideration. Enjoy!

Q: At a wedding shower, the hostess handed each guest the envelope for a thank-you note and asked that we address it to ourselves.  The idea is to save time for the bride–but isn’t this really rude?

A: I’d call it inappropriate.  Sure, this makes life easier for the bride, but it also shows a lack of consideration for the guests and implies that thank-yous are a real chore.  That said, refusing to comply could embarrass the host.  So address your envelope–just don’t ask guests to do the same the next time you throw a shower!


  1. Anne Gray

    Our only daughter is getting married in December and she is ordering invitations. She would like to put her future husband’s Initial emblem or seal on the top of the invitation, but my husband and I are hosting the wedding and reception. Is this appropriate?

    • Elizabeth

      I’m not sure if it’s inappropriate, but it may be slightly confusing. You and your husband are the hosts of the event – not only because you are paying for the wedding (that doesn’t always correlate), but also because you are the bride’s parents and the traditional hosts of the wedding. To include the husband’s initials is kind of like sending out a letter from company A on company B’s letterhead. Odd, right? The invitation is technically issued from YOU. However, monograms or family seals or whatever are odd in any case (unless you are a member of the aristocracy, in which case you’d already know how it was done), so you might encourage your daughter to choose some other decorative item instead. If she insists, though, I wouldn’t worry too much about it. People really don’t scrutinize these things. They’ll be more concerned about the names on the invitation and the date.

  2. Becky

    Ditto Elizabeth. How about having the emblem/seal on custom notes/stationary instead? Of course this wouldn’t be used by the bride until after the wedding. Are the groom’s parents (or groom) hosting a rehearsal dinner? if so, it would be very appropriate on that invitation.

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