Open Thread

by epi on August 21, 2013

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This open thread is your space to use as you like. We invite you to discuss current and traditional etiquette. Feel free to ask questions of each other and the community moderators here.

{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

Anna Key August 22, 2013 at 11:27 pm

Our son was adopted by us at birth. He recently met his birth mother. His bride has become very close to the birth mother. She hasn’t liked me from the beginning because I walked in on them in a precarious situation in our home. She thinks I have judged her, but I really only want my son to be happy. She has decided to have his birth mother be walked down the aisle before me and she will be seated on my row. I’m not comfortable with that idea. The birth mother has done some inappropriate things since my son has become a part of her family. I am not a jealous person, but feel that honoring us equally is a slight on us, since we raised him. The bride has informed me that unless I “go along” I will not be invited to the wedding. The bride has also picked my dress.

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Winifred Rosenburg August 23, 2013 at 12:30 pm

You should talk to your son and explain to him that this scenario makes you feel like less than a mother because you did not give birth to him. Also mention how hurtful it is when his fiancee threatens to not invite you to the wedding when you have been supportive all along. Really the reason parents are honored at weddings is because of the work they did raising the bride and groom, not for contributing genes. You should also feel free to select your own dress if you wish. Just make sure it is not the same color as the bride’s mother’s dress or the bridesmaids’ dresses.

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Joanna August 23, 2013 at 1:58 pm

The important thing here is, what does your son have to say about it all? You keep saying what the bride wants and thinks, but nothing about him…

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Joy August 23, 2013 at 1:09 pm

This seems more complicated than an etiquette question. Perhaps you should consider talking to a counselor? He or she could provide advice on how to discuss this topic with your son and his fiancee or perhaps meet with all three of you.

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