Open Thread

by epi on July 22, 2013

Welcome to the Etiquette Daily

This open thread is your space to use as you like. We invite you to discuss current and traditional etiquette. Feel free to ask questions of each other and the community moderators here.

{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }

Jan Stidham July 22, 2013 at 12:17 pm

I am hosting my daughters 10th birthday party at a banquet room which has the capability for a cash bar to serve beer and wine to the parents. Should I or should I not offer beer and wine on a cash basis to the parents?


Jody July 22, 2013 at 2:38 pm

Since the focus of the party is a child’s birthday, I would avoid offering liquor — even if the party is in the evening. In my opinion, offering liquor would make it more a general or adult-type event rather than a child’s party.


Joanna July 22, 2013 at 2:50 pm

Personally, I wouldn’t…because while you’ve invited adults, the focus here should be your daughter and the kids she’s invited. Everything served, food or beverage, should be something that they could consume too.


Becky July 22, 2013 at 4:19 pm

If you are inviting guests to a party (or anything else for that matter), they should never be expected to pay for any part of your event – if they pay for drinks or other, in my mind they cease to be ‘guests’. If you can’t afford to serve beer and wine, then it should not be offered.


Cyra July 22, 2013 at 4:46 pm

Hi Jan,

I would skip on the bar. Alcohol is certainly not expected at a 10 year-old’s birthday party, and having a bar open would be a little strange.


AP July 23, 2013 at 10:16 pm

Oh my, give the poor parents a drink! Being at a child’s birthday party is tough for some grownups. Just make sure they aren’t driving.


Elizabeth Travers July 22, 2013 at 1:04 pm

What is the acceptable time to send a thank you note for a birthday gift? My grown granddaughter ( 31 years old) told me I was “rude” by calling her Mother (my daughter) to ask if she knew if her daughter received the gift, one month after sending a card with a $50. check inside and not receiving a “thank you”. She also had not sent a “Thank you” for a very expensive Baby Shower gift given three weeks before. I was under the impression, that a “thank you”, for a gift should be within one or two weeks. She told me that Emily Post would not find one month an unreasonable time to thank someone for a gift.


Just Laura July 22, 2013 at 2:06 pm

I believe Emily Post would want the grateful party to acknowledge the gift as soon as the opportunity presented itself. Barring very unique circumstances, I can’t imagine why the first opportunity would be a full 30 days later.


Joanna July 22, 2013 at 2:51 pm


Plus, as I always like to look at it, if the gift receiver feels she “didn’t have time” to do it that first month, what makes her think she’ll magically have time in the months to come…especially when the urgency and even memory of that gift starts to fade?


Jody July 22, 2013 at 2:40 pm

I agree with Just Laura. Even the busiest 31-year-old should be able to find time to promptly send a quick note to thank you. I think you were well within your rights to call your daughter after a month to see if the gift had been received. (if it hadn’t been, you could have cancelled the original check)


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