1. Rebecca

    I have a question regarding the inner envelope for wedding invitations….is an envelope liner optional? We are doing a simple/traditional panel card invitation, with response card, all in an inner envelope. Is a liner just nice touch or a must? The wedding and reception will not be formal. they are about 10% of the cost of the entire invitation ‘suite’…won’t break the bank, but is it entirely necessary? Part of my question also stems from the fact that the stationary vendor does not offer a ‘linen’ or similar matte finish liner. The closest we can get to simple is a ‘pearl’ finished paper that I just don’t care for, so I’d just rather skip the liner. Petty? Picky? probably!

    • Elizabeth

      The liner is just a nice touch. In fact, most aspects of invitations are simply traditional or a matter of taste, etiquette does not require any particular configuration or aesthetic.

    • Hi Rebecca,

      Well, it’s definitely not a “must.” I’m sure no one will be deeply offended if there’s no liner in your inner envelope! I say, if you don’t like it and and would rather skip it, go ahead and do so.

    • Nonnie

      If I’m understanding the liner to be the piece of paper that covers the invitation, it is probably no longer necessary due to newer printing techniques. I think it was originally used to protect the invitation from sticking to the envelope from the ink that may still have not cured when invitations were engraved and printed with real ink. I would guess it would still depend on how the invitation is being printed, and if there is enough time for allowing the ink to dry. As to the pearl finish, I am a fan of all things glowy and sparkly but have learned that the pearl finish does not accept ball point or marker inks very well. This has been discovered when we sign greeting cards and response cards. The ball point ink won’t apply well and renders the pen point not workable for a time, and markers just shrink up like raindrops on the paper, or don’t dry and smear when folded or inserted. I haven’t tried a color pencil yet.

  2. Frustrated Bride

    I have a question about RSVP etiquette. My future Mother-in-law has kept adding people to the guest list without telling us – insisting that she’ll be within the number we allotted her. I just found out that with one couple we invited – both names on the invitation – the wife cannot attend and the husband has added in his son. While the number won’t change, I find it really rude as we had NOT invited the son (and not invited him deliberately) What is the best way to handle this?

    • Elizabeth

      Goodness, that’s a predicament. (That your MIL keeps adding people to the guest list.) Are you in control of the invitations? As the bride, you should be! We dealt with this potential problem by requiring both of our parents to give us lists of invitees along with their addresses, and WE sent out the invitations. Any additions had to go through us. I’m not sure how that relates to the second part of your question, but here’s how I would suggest dealing with that: you simply have to call or email the man and say that you were sad to hear that his wife won’t be able to attend, but unfortunately you cannot accommodate his son. Say that you hope that he will still be able to attend, but ask him to please let you know if anything changes. Do NOT give a reason why you cannot accommodate the son, that just opens you up to a challenge from him. (He doesn’t have to know that the reason is simply because you don’t want him there.) It doesn’t matter if this guy was one of your MIL’s additions, it’s still your wedding. If it was, though, you might have your fiance address this with his mother, to let her know that this is how you’ve handled it, and to tell her NOT to tell the guy that it’s ok if he brings the son.

      • Elizabeth’s response is spot-on. “I’m sorry we can’t accommodate____, but we do hope you’ll still be able to come!” should be every host’s or hostess’ mantra!

    • The first “problem” can be handled simply and decisively: give your FMIL a deadline by which the full and final list of each family’s invitees must be received by you (a list, in print, with full names, titles, and addresses etc). If you need any justification for this, just say you’re trying to stick with what’s appropriate/traditional, which is sending invitations out 8-6 weeks in advance of the day, and you need the list by X date.

  3. joyce

    Sister in law is having birthday party for 3 out of state grandkids (it is none of their birthdays — she wants to do it because she has never given them a party.) Has invited relatives, insisted we provide gifts and is even trying to control What gift(s) is given. My husband (her brother) and I find this tastless, tacky and do not wish to attend. Thoughts? We have always believed that gifts are given freely, not requested or demanded.

    • Alicia

      Just RSVP No. There is no requirement that one must accept all invites received and a simple No RSVP is an effective statement on the event.

  4. M M Thomas

    If they are really young children, I would go anyway. It’s not their fault. Bring whatever type of gift you want.

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