Open Thread

by epi on July 2, 2013

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This open thread is your space to use as you like. We invite you to discuss current and traditional etiquette. Feel free to ask questions of each other and the community moderators here.

{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }

Allison July 2, 2013 at 9:28 am

I have emailed and instant messaged a guy (we are both in our 30s) twice on an online dating site. I would like to continue getting to know him. He has given me his number and said I am welcome to call or text. What is the appropriate response?
Thank you,
Allison

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Just Laura July 2, 2013 at 9:43 am

Personally, I’d text or call and ask if he’d like to meet up for lunch or a cup of coffee/tea sometime soon. Best of luck!

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Elizabeth July 2, 2013 at 9:50 am

Are you the one always emailing/texting him? Or is there reciprocation? If he is not actively texting/emailing you back, that is a sign that he is not as interested. Or, it could be that he’s really passive. I would proceed cautiously. Call once, if he doesn’t respond, I would take the hint and move on.

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Allison July 2, 2013 at 10:15 am

Elizabeth and Laura, Thank you. I emailed him once and he replied once. He instant messaged me and then we had a nice back and forth conversation. Since he did give me his number, I wonder if it is appropriate to give him my number?

Thank you,
Allison

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Ehnonnie Mowse July 2, 2013 at 12:07 pm

Hi Allison and Everyone, long time reader, first time commenting. I have to jump in here with, Allison, if you have not, please read the book The Gift of Fear by Gavin DeBecker. (Elizabeth’s use of the word ‘cautiously’ is my trigger.) While I am an avid enthusiast of all things Emily Post, a person’s safety comes before politeness. I do not wish to be an alarmist, but I wish his book had been written when I was a teenager. Learn the language of someone who is potentially unsafe to be around. The man gave you his number, be careful about what information you share in return. With the prevalence of Caller ID, it’s not possible to know what kind of person one is revealing information to. My thought is like Laura’s, to continue email or text, and suggest a meet in a public place the first time. Again, apologies if I am coming across like a too nervous person.
Thanks for reading,
Ehnonnie Mowse (Nonnie)

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Alicia July 2, 2013 at 6:04 pm

Call or text him. Or if uncomfortable with that message him further on the dating site.

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Just Laura July 2, 2013 at 9:34 am

Good morning, Friends,
The roommate who has been living with my husband and I for several years has purchased his own house, and is moving out (we are the homeowners of the current house). He has been a great roommate – considerate, clean, quiet, etc., and we are also friends. To assist with the move, my husband loaned him an enclosed trailer, and Roommate also may use one of our trucks if he needs it.
The closing for Roommate’s house was in mid-June. The trailer has been available the entire time, and RM has used it once. Now it is July, and RM still has a lot of stuff at our house, including some furniture, golf clubs, his car and motorcycle in the garage. I’d really like to clean up the garage and move some of my stuff that had been stored at my parents’ house into my own house. Additionally, my grandmother recently moved into assisted living, and while we’re downsizing her home and contents, some of it will have to be stored with me for a short while until the estate sale. I told RM this last week, but still much of his stuff remains. In case this is relevant, his new house is in the same town as ours.
I don’t want to be pushy or mean to RM, but I’d like his belongings to be gone.
Do you feel I’m hurrying him too much? We all have full-time jobs, and I don’t want to be insensitive to that. Any suggestions are welcome. Many thanks.

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Elizabeth July 2, 2013 at 9:48 am

You’ve already leveled with him and explained why he needs to move his things out. It’s time to be pushy, it’s time for some tough love. “Roomie, you know we love you, but it’s time! If the stuff isn’t gone this weekend, we will dispose of it ourselves.” The four-day holiday weekend sounds like a perfect time for roomie to move the rest of his stuff out, since he won’t be working.

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Just Laura July 2, 2013 at 10:03 am

Thanks, Elizabeth.
He’s a police officer, so he might be working! Since I haven’t seen him in a week, I think I’ll text and ask that his stuff be out by Friday. My parents intend to move Grandmother’s stuff in this weekend.

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Elizabeth July 2, 2013 at 10:41 am

I think everyone operates better with deadlines. : )

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Jody July 2, 2013 at 10:44 am

I like Elizabeth’s suggestions. Since RM is a friend, I’d add that you need his stuff gone because you need the space for your grandmother’s things.

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becky July 2, 2013 at 11:12 am

Along with the tough love, another couple of thoughts. “Hey former roomie, the timing may not be convenient, but with grandmother’s recent move we will need your help to make some accommodations for family.” explain that you’ll need move the car and motorcycle out of the garage and will need to consolidate the remaining stuff in his car and if need be, a corner of the garage. That may give you a little of the room you need and the bump he needs if he doesn’t want his car/motorcycle in the elements. (assuming that is doable in your situation) Maybe he needs a ride to your house to retrieve his vehicles or drive the vehicle to his house and get a ride back home from him. Help him arrange a ‘moving day’ by offering to help buy some of the beer (or other preferred refreshment) for friends that help with the move on a specific day. If he doesn’t know about your family circumstances and need for the space (beyond common courtesy), he just may not have the sense of urgency he needs to get motivated.

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Just Laura July 2, 2013 at 11:18 am

Thanks for taking time to respond, Becky. As I mentioned, I have told him (in person) about my grandmother’s situation, but reiterating it seems appropriate and may move it along. He owns two vehicles, so getting to and from our house is not an issue.
When my husband mentioned last week that we’re “hoping the stuff is out by the end of the month,” RM replied, “well [Girlfriend] is still trying to sort out closet space.” I then stated that my grandmother’s stuff was coming soon, so I need that room.

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becky July 2, 2013 at 11:37 am

ah! and my comment about the vehicles was not about no transportation, but too few drivers. he can drive over, but he can’t drive two vehicles back by himself. Since he apparently has a girlfriend, that isn’t the issue. Just let him know you’ll be moving his stuff out this weekend…if he’d like it in his truck / your trailer that’s fine, otherwise it may be at the curb. either way, you’ll make room for your family.

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