Open Thread

by epi on June 27, 2013

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This open thread is your space to use as you like. We invite you to discuss current and traditional etiquette. Feel free to ask questions of each other and the community moderators here.

{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

SusanJ June 27, 2013 at 12:00 pm

I am preparing wedding shower invitations where there are 7 hostesses. Should I list the first and last name of every host, or simply state ‘hosted by family and dear friends’? Three are aunts of the bride, one is a cousin of the bride, and three are mothers of ladies in the bridal party. Any other suggestions? Please help!

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Elizabeth June 27, 2013 at 12:51 pm

If you can fit the names on the invitation, it would be better to list them by name. Even just their first names would be better than nothing.

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Cyra June 27, 2013 at 1:19 pm

I agree with Elizabeth that you should get those names on there! “Hostess 1, Hostess 2, Hostess 3, etc., etc., etc., etc., invite you to a shower in honor of ….”

It’s not a typical invitation, but neither is having 7 hostesses!

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Becky June 28, 2013 at 11:25 am

As both recipient of and participant in similar “gang” hosted parties, one way we have handled it is to use the simple “you are cordially invited….at the home of….. ” But then list the hosts at the bottom or elsewhere in whatever manner lends best to the design and layout of the invitation. If a phone number is listed for regrets or rsvp, then it is starred (*) and the corresponding host’s name is also starred (*), because it’s just nice to know who you’re calling. Example: RSVP: 555-1234* Hostesses or hosted by: Jane Doe, Mary Sue Smith* and Mae West. the asterisk is less than elegant, so if you have room for the name with the number, that would be better.

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Gail Ulrich June 27, 2013 at 1:24 pm

If a family member wants to invite us to their child’s birthday party shouldn’t they do it by a paper invite, a phone call, face to face, or even a text message–not on Facebook when we aren’t friends with them on Facebook. I take that to mean they haven’t invited our family. Another family member takes that to mean that they can invite us instead of the parents of this child inviting us. I was also told by the other family member, that is how they (meaning anyone in today’s society) do things and these people were too busy to do another invite. I would like clarification on what society should do on invitations now. I thought Facebook is fine as long as you also invite the ones not on your Facebook some other way if you want them there. Thank you for providing some insight.

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Elizabeth June 27, 2013 at 3:21 pm

Sorry, I was slightly confused by your post. So you were invited to a birthday party through the grapevine? The family throwing the party only did invites via Facebook, you are not on Facebook, and they didn’t bother to contact you any other way? So another third party relayed the invitation? If I have that right, I have to agree with you, it’s not a great policy or strategy to get people to attend one’s parties! I can’t see how sending an email or text message is so difficult…For whatever reason, though, this is how they prefer to operate. You can either attend the party, which must be pretty casual if they are not asking for RSVPs, or just not go. For the sake of family relationships, however, you may want to overlook the invitation weirdness.

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Cyra June 27, 2013 at 3:23 pm

Invitations should always come directly from the host. Facebook invitations are very popular, but anyone the host wishes to invite who is not on Facebook needs to issue invitations to those person in another way–and you listed quite a few options. “Too busy” is never an acceptable reason to abandon one’s manners!

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Vanna Keiler June 27, 2013 at 3:53 pm

I like Elizabeth’s answer, but wonder if, since no invitation was made to non-Facebook family members, that it was only for those meant to receive it. Were it me, I may feel awkward showing up if I was not directly invited, or sent an invite. However, depending on how close you are with the other family member doing the inviting, you may or may not want to contact them directly and ask if you can attend.

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