Open Thread

by epi on June 21, 2013

Welcome to the Etiquette Daily

This open thread is your space to use as you like. We invite you to discuss current and traditional etiquette. Feel free to ask questions of each other and the community moderators here.

{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }

Cathy Mendler June 21, 2013 at 9:14 am

No Gifts – Almost 19 years ago, my husband and I had a small wedding (50 guests), as we had both been married previously. Many of the guests had attended our first weddings. In lieu of gifts, we asked that people make a donation to the charity of their choice. Our guests loved the idea! Some people made a donation and also gave us a small gift. The bonus was that they received a tax receipt for their donation and supported a variety of grateful charities.

Reply

Alicia June 21, 2013 at 9:55 am

Asking people to donate in your name is although admirable in intent rude as it is basically directing how people spend their money and charitable dollars. You meant well and it is done now but that is bad advice to give to other brides and grooms as it is technically very rude. Where and if people give to charity is their own business and it is not a gift to you or really relevant to you if they give to a charity and comes across as holier then thou. You meant well but do not give the advice to others to be rude in that manner. The guests were under no obligation to give a gift at all for a second wedding as second weddings do not require gifts. Gift requirements are one per person regardless of how many times you get married. Anything above and beyond that is generous and lovely but by no means required.

Reply

Clara June 22, 2013 at 6:11 pm

I have been invited to a wedding in which, on their website, the couple asks that instead of a traditional registry (they already own everything they need) they are hoping we can help them make their dream of owning a home become a reality. You click on different dollar amounts attached to parts of a house (roof, windows, door) and then it takes you to Paypal. I am really, really put off by this. I guess people view it as no different than a regular registry but this just seems like a blatant money grab.

Reply

Alicia June 22, 2013 at 10:29 pm

A registry is not a demand if you are ( rightly in my mind) turned off by this feel free to ignore the registry d get what you would wish to give the couple

Reply

Cyra June 24, 2013 at 11:29 am

Clara, I agree that that is extremely off-putting. I would ignore it and give the couple whatever you wish, unless you feel that your monetary donation is more important than your presence, in which case I would–regrettably–have a prior commitment that day.

Reply

Leave a Comment

Previous post:

Next post: