1. Uncertain

    My fiance and I were invited to attend the wedding of one of his friends. My fiance was also asked to be a groomsmen. The wedding is a fairly lavish affair about 1.5-2hrs away from us. We recently received an invitation to the rehearsal dinner, which takes place in the same town the wedding will. The invitation said “Hosted by the parents of the bride and the groom”. We accepted. However, we were then informed a day later we would be responsible for paying for ourselves at the rehearsal dinner, which is in a rather upscale, pricy restaurant. We now feel like we are in a predicament. We are already driving a long way and may even have to get a hotel room after dinner, as we have to return for the wedding the next day. We had not anticipated paying for an expensive dinner as well. Is there a way to bow out of the dinner gracefully, or as we already accepted, are we committed?

    • Jody

      I agree with Alicia and Gertrude, since the terms of the invitation have changed your response may change. I would let the hosts know as soon as possible that you won’t be able to make the rehearsal dinner, so that they can adjust their arrangements with the restaurant.

  2. Gertrude

    A similar scenario happened for my wedding. My wedding was 2 hours away from where a bunch of the groomsmen live, and they are all college students, so they couldn’t afford to drop 150 for the hotel room (we paid for the rehearsal dinner, though).

    As your husband is one of the groomsmen, it is relatively important that he go to the rehearsal. The dinner, however, is not mandatory. If I were you, I would say, “I’m sorry, but as we go over the logistics of that day, since we can’t afford a hotel room for that night, we would be driving back home way too late. So we are going to attend the rehearsal, but not the dinner.” Blame it on the time constraints of driving. Now you have gotten out of paying for dinner and for the hotel room. Gas for two hours is cheaper than those two combined, even with gas being what it is nowadays!

    My groomsman said that to me, and I simply offered to pay for the hotel for that night because it was important to me that he go to the dinner and be able to take part in the festivities. But in that way, you have gotten out of the dinner and the blame is on time constraints (darn time!), not the bride and groom changing what they pay for.

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