1. Amanda

    I was a bridesmaid in a friend’s wedding last weekend. A few days earlier, she had given me a bridesmaid gift, for which I am very thankful. When we were looking for jewellery for the bridesmaids to wear for the wedding, I told her that I’m allergic to silver, and it makes me swell and break out in hives. I said costume jewellery would be far better. Anyways, fast forward to receiving the gifts. She gave me the jewellery to wear for the wedding and a Pandora bracelet with charm. After I thanked her profusely, I remembered about my allergy. So I asked if the jewellery for the wedding was silver. She said that the Pandora stuff was platinum and checked the label for the wedding stuff and said it wasn’t silver either. Great! She also said that if the bracelet was too big or small, it can be exchanged for the right size. The bracelet is a little small and I wouldn’t be able to add charms. So the plan was to exchange it for a bigger one.

    I went on their website today to try to find out if the larger ones are more expensive (money is a little tight and the exchange could have to wait until I get paid). I couldn’t find a platinum bracelet or charm. They are both silver. I don’t think the bride was being malicious or anything. I think she genuinely thinks it is platinum. I’ve looked for similar alternatives that I can wear and it’s tough. There are fabric bracelets, but they have silver in them. There are glass and wood charms, but they have silver too. Then there are the gold options. These are several hundred dollars more.

    My question is how do I handle this? Do I keep what I was given and keep it in my jewellery box? Exchange for the fabric and glass versions with the small amount of silver and wear them, hoping for the best? Exchange for the much more expensive gold? Try to exchange for something totally different from the same jewellery store? Or bring the bride with me with her original receipt and see if she can get a refund and we can find something equally nice, but not silver, elsewhere? The jewellery store is very pricey and I probably wouldn’t be able to get anything else there without adding a significant amount of my own money.

    I really do appreciate what she got me, and I do want to have what she chose for me, but I don’t want it to be a waste of her money and have it just sit there, never used.

    • Elizabeth

      Platinum is even more expensive than gold, so it was never likely to be that metal!

      I think the answer to your question depends on whether the wedding is coming up and you are expected to wear it during the ceremony or whether the wedding is over and done with and this is simply your gift.

      If it’s the former, I would go back to the bride and ask her what she’d like you to do. Perhaps you could both go shopping together and find something suitable for both her budget and your allergy. If the wedding is over and this is your gift from her, simply explain the situation (that you love but can’t ever wear it) and ask whether you’d be able to exchange it for something you can wear. (This will be the hint for her to offer you the receipt.) Even if you don’t have the receipt, though, the jewelry store should be able to work with you on an exchange. In both cases, though, the only thing that makes sense is to exchange it with something you can wear. In the first case you ask the bride for her input on that, in the second case you don’t need to.

      Unless you love Pandora, have the money available and want to make the investment for a gold version, I would not bring up that option.

  2. Theresa

    What is the etiquette when you son gets married a second time (her first) and the role of the parents of the son. He is now 31. We paid for the first wedding due to financial matters in the first wedding. Thoughts?

    • Amanda

      I would think that you just need to be there for them. No financial assistance is necessary. However, if you have the means to help them and would like to, go ahead!

    • Elizabeth

      Amanda is exactly right, you go ready to support your son as he embarks upon the next chapter of his life with hearts open to celebrating the union. You are not obligated to pay for anything, though if you would like to contribute something they would no doubt appreciate it.

  3. plotter

    i’m having wedding 60 miles away with some guests staying over night, I am the brides father, do I have to buy breakfast for the guests who stay over?

    • Winifred Rosenburg

      Yes, you should provide breakfast for houseguests. It does not have to be elaborate though. You can make a large pot of oatmeal, for example, which will require minimal cost and effort.

    • Jody

      Plotter, I think it depends. If the guests are staying at your home, it would be nice to provide breakfast. If the guests are staying at a hotel, I don’t think you’re obligated to provide breakfast (unless, as Alicia says, you invite them to a specific breakfast event). In any case, some hotels do provide breakfast, or have special rates that include breakfast.

  4. Kathy

    I have a question please if anyone can answer me.
    At the school I attend a person in the register’s office who at the moment of occurrence is standing over me and I must concede and because I am angry and because I wish to save face out of self respect, I ask the person from the register’s to leave. I am then told by my program director that this person and she are just trying to help me, but what I feel is that I am being forced to take a class that I have been told I do not need and now must do as I am asked.
    There is history between this person from the register’s office and I that we do not have the same values, morals and “ways of doing business” so it has been my contention to stay as far away from her as possible. So I am not pointing at her and I tell her I don’t like you and you can leave, while pointing at her.
    Am I correct that at that moment my program director should have asked her to leave so that we may settle what needs to be settled with out the personnel from the register’s office being in attendance?
    Now the Program director insists that I apologize and I don’t feel sorry one bit and do not wish to apologize for anything.

    • Kathy

      I would like some feed back please respond.
      also I was not clear, what I meant to say is that; the first time I asked the person to leave I was not pointing, the second time I asked her to leave I did not my finger at her. Maybe I shouldn’t have pointed but under direst I did point and since I am human am entitled to my feels and subjective opinions and feel I was within my human rights and following a code of ethics and responsibility. I stated what I feel was my thought and feelings which I have a right to. i may have pointed but I believe that is not here nor there. This person at the register’s office has been more than rude with me in the past and it is not tit for tat but in the grand scheme of things just what it is.

      • Lilli

        I’m not entirely sure what happened here because your posting isn’t very clear, but being rude to someone who is trying to get you registered for class and help you does deserve an apology. If you felt that this person was interrupting your meeting with the program director you would have been better off asking the director if you could meet in private (and then he could have asked the other person to leave) so that you could ask for his advice. At most schools the staff do not take well to being bossed around and thrown out of meetings by students.

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