Open Thread

by Daniel Post Senning on May 24, 2013

Welcome to the Etiquette Daily

This open thread is your space to use as you like. We invite you to discuss current and traditional etiquette. Feel free to ask questions of each other and the community moderators here.

{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }

Monica May 25, 2013 at 3:05 am

Hello. My husband and I received a formal high school graduation announcement for my niece’s son. The announcement listed the date, time, and location for the ceremony, but stated at the bottom, “Admission to Commencement by separate ticket only”. There was no ticket included, or any further mention of how to inquire about a ticket.

Am I to assume then this is simply an announcement and not an invitation? I understand many schools have limited tickets for graduations, but if this is the case I would guess you wouldn’t list the ceremony details to begin with. My niece and I don’t communicate particularly regularly and I would feel awkward calling for clarification in the event that it is actually a limited affair. I wouldn’t want her to feel I was putting her on the spot. Should I just send my great nephew a graduation card instead? Thank you.


Jody May 27, 2013 at 5:31 pm

That is an awkward situation. I agree that it seems more of an announcement than an invitation.

However, if this were a situation where you’d like to attend, I’d suggest you get in touch with your niece. You might thank her for the invitation but mention that you were a bit confused about the last line as there were no tickets in the envelope. It’s quite possible she did intend to include them but accidentally left them out.


Alicia May 25, 2013 at 5:56 am

Given that you are not in communication with niece regularly and presumably not with great nephew either then yes best to assume no invite was actually extended.The wording sounds alkward.
Send a card at most to great nephew.


Monica May 25, 2013 at 4:02 pm

Thank you for your advice. Yes, I was leaning towards assuming this was only an announcement. I just wanted to ask opinions in the event that it could be an actual invitation and not wanting to offend them with no response at all about attending or not. I think you’re right and that a nice card is best.


Lauren June 19, 2013 at 1:03 pm

Whether it’s an announcement or an invitation should be indicated by the wording: does it say anything about inviting you to the ceremony? Or does it “announce” that so-and-so has graduated? Of course an actual invitation could be used (incorrectly) as an announcement, but if what you received in the mail IS an invitation I would assume you have been invited. Formal graduation invitations are often ordered months in advance, and the tickets themselves may not have been distributed to the students at the time of mailing. I’d call your niece and say you received the invitation (stress here “the invitation to the ceremony” which should give them the out if they made a mistake sending you an invitation not meant as an invitation–it’s up to them to clarify this), and are so proud of their son, etc, and that the invitation said tickets were issued separately and you wanted to confirm the celebration plans.


Denise May 25, 2013 at 10:55 pm

I am in the process of working on the invitations for my wedding and I have a question about the wording. My father is a retired judge and he along with my mother will be hosting the wedding. Do I put “The Honorable and Mrs.” or “Judge and Mrs.” in the parent’s line? Thank you for your assistance.


Lauren June 19, 2013 at 1:34 pm

While “The Honorable” is always used when addressing a judge, since your father is the one issuing the invitation, he does not refer to himself as The Honorable (assuming from your spelling that you are in the US). So it would be:

Judge [Surname] and Mrs. [Surname]

Most formally, titles such as Judge are taken with the name as a unit, so “Judge and Mrs. [Surname]” would be incorrect, as, I think, would “Judge and Mrs. John Smith” because in most cases the Judge title is “Judge Surname” not “Judge Givenname Surname”.


Ashleigh May 26, 2013 at 8:35 pm

Long time no see folks! :)

Sitting here watching the movie “Titanic” and there is a part where a waiter asks Jack “How do you take your caviar, sir?” What is the proper answer for such a question?? I’m assuming “On my plate” just wouldn’t cut it ;)


Alicia May 27, 2013 at 4:27 am

Caviar is often served with blinis (mini pancakes) toast points, with egg , onion, lemon , creme fresh , or sour cream. Not sure of the scene but say with sour cream on a blinis would be my choice.


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