Open Thread

by Daniel Post Senning on May 13, 2013

Welcome to the Etiquette Daily

This open thread is your space to use as you like. We invite you to discuss current and traditional etiquette. Feel free to ask questions of each other and the community moderators here.

{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }

windella May 14, 2013 at 9:37 pm

I have a family member who invites others to my party without my permission or telling me she has invited them. She invites her grown children who do not live with her. There is a reason I don’t invite her children. All of them RSVP to my parties in the past and don’t show up,no call,nothing! The last party a few weeks ago she invited her son, who brought 3 additional people, and she didn’t come to the party herself,(she had RSVP’D) then called 1/2 an hour after the party time to say she wasn’t coming!
Would it be rude of me to stop inviting her? In the past,she will ask why she wasn’t invited to a party.

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Elizabeth May 14, 2013 at 10:13 pm

You can definitely stop inviting her. But I would have mentioned something about her switcheroo when it happened. I don’t think it would have been out of line to say, “Sally, I understand that you couldn’t make it to the party at the last minute, but I have to be honest. I don’t appreciate you sending Jack and Jill and their two friends in your stead. I like to invite my own guests to my parties, and frankly they weren’t invited. In the future, when I invite you, the invitation is only for you. If you can’t make it, I’ll understand, but please don’t send people.”

If you choose to simply not invite her, and she later asks why, you can easily say, “Well, last time I invited you and four other people showed up, so I was hoping to avoid a repeat of that performance.”

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Cyra May 15, 2013 at 12:47 pm

Yes! Stop inviting her! Unless, however, you are throwing a family party, in which case she still gets invited.

Another potential response if she asks why the invitations have stopped (said, of course, perfectly sweetly with no trace of sarcasm), “It didn’t seem like you enjoy being with my friends since you always invite your own company.”

Good luck!

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nancy May 16, 2013 at 12:41 pm

when including grandparents on wedding church program and grandparent has a new wife(spouse deceased) does she get included as a granparent?

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Cyra May 16, 2013 at 1:36 pm

Hi Nancy,

In general, I would say that yes, she does get included. If grandparents are being listed, then it should absolutely say “Mr. & Mrs. _______.”

The only situation I can think of where it would be acceptable to not list her would be if the grandfather is part of the procession and either walking in solo or escorting someone else. In that case you would be listing him as a member of the wedding party, so it might say “Mr. __________, Grandfather of the Bride/Groom.”

Hope that helps!

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