Open Thread

by Daniel Post Senning on May 9, 2013

Welcome to the Etiquette Daily

This open thread is your space to use as you like. We invite you to discuss current and traditional etiquette. Feel free to ask questions of each other and the community moderators here.

{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }

pam May 9, 2013 at 10:27 pm

Our son’s wedding is in the bride’s home state, which is over 12 hours away from the groom’s hometown.

We, as the groom’s parents would like to host an informal pre-wedding gathering of local friends/family that will not be attending the wedding. This would be held approximately 2 months before the wedding. We would invite people who will not necessarily be invited to the small local wedding.

What is the best way to host this gathering? Is it called an engagement party? Is it acceptable to be held before the wedding?

Do we then also need to host a local wedding reception AFTER the ceremony….or can this one gathering be enough to honor the couple?

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Alicia May 10, 2013 at 4:05 am

Congrats to your son and soon to be daughter in law. Anyone who is invited to a pre-wedding event needs to also be invited to the wedding itself. So either you need to limit the guest list to only those invited to the wedding or you need to host as a post wedding party.
There is no need to have local wedding reception or party at all. If you do a post wedding party in honor of the coupe is generally better. But one wedding reception is more then sufficent.

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Jana May 15, 2013 at 6:55 pm

Is it customary to tip catering staff? I work as a server for a caterer and am always shocked when we are not tipped, and it happens often. Is this not good etiquette? We work very hard to make sure the event is a success and to get screwed after we have done a good job, is very hard to understand.

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Winifred Rosenburg May 16, 2013 at 8:03 am

Where I live it is customary for gratuity to be included in the overall food bill. Even if it weren’t, it would be the responsibility of the host, not the individual guests, to tip, and they would likely give the entire tip to the maitre d’ or some other person in charge. If you have never received your share of the tip, maybe somebody isn’t distributing the tip as they should?

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Alicia May 16, 2013 at 10:28 am

Often in catering the tip is included in part of the bill. If this is included as part of the bill by your employer then you should be getting it as part of your salary. If not then the employers bill should have something like suggested tip for catering staff 15% to make it clear that the tip is not included.

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