Open Thread

by Daniel Post Senning on May 3, 2013

Welcome to the Etiquette Daily

This open thread is your space to use as you like. We invite you to discuss current and traditional etiquette. Feel free to ask questions of each other and the community moderators here.

{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }

T. Latour May 3, 2013 at 1:37 pm

When dining out, is it ever acceptable to pick up the tab for one couple and not the other? We were planning to treat a couple at a nice restaurant to reciprocate a previous kindness from them but found out they’re traveling w/ an additional couple who will be at the dinner, as well. If it is acceptable, how should it be handled so it’s clear but not awkward?

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Chocobo May 6, 2013 at 8:38 am

No. If you are buying dinner, you are the host. You cannot host only select people, it’s all or nothing. Either wait until you are able to get the couple you would like to treat alone, or host their guests as well.

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Elizabeth May 6, 2013 at 10:38 am

I agree with Chocobo that it could be awkward to treat one couple and not the other. But it also sounds like this couple is traveling from out of town and you may not get another opportunity in the near future to treat them. The super generous thing to do would be to treat both couples. If you go to someplace a little less expensive, then you will have paid the same amount for two couples as you would at a pricier place for one. However, if you can’t or would rather not do it, I think you can bite the awkwardness bullet and simply announce at the end of the meal, “Actually we would love to treat you (the one couple) in gratitude for that time you took care of Fluffy and Brutus when we had that emergency travel.” It could get awkward, though, if they were planning to treat the other couple for some reason.

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Winifred Rosenburg May 6, 2013 at 12:25 pm

Usually when I offer to pay for dinner for someone, they offer to pay the tip. Perhaps you could offer to pay for both couples and if they offer to pay the tip, take them up on their offer to limit your expense?

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Cyra May 3, 2013 at 5:14 pm

I think your best course of action in this case is to wait to treat until you’re dining just with that one other couple. I can’t think of any way to pay for one couple and not the other without some sort of awkwardness, and no one will enjoy that!

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YELENA KONDAUROVA May 4, 2013 at 5:54 am

Hello.
Can you tell me, please, it es correct to use bad words in the literature, in the cinema? Thank you.

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Winifred Rosenburg May 4, 2013 at 1:58 pm

Yes, it is acceptable. While using bad words is impolite, there is nothing wrong with creating an impolite character in literature or in cinema.

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YELENA KONDAUROVA May 4, 2013 at 5:55 am

Sorry, please. Y want to say: It is correct?

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Victoria May 4, 2013 at 9:49 pm

My mother passed four years ago. She left me her wedding rings. I sometimes like to put them on just because I miss her so much. But, they only fit my left ring finger and the engagement ring is sautered to the wedding ring. Is it inappropriate for me, an unmarried woman, to wear those rings?

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Alicia May 5, 2013 at 6:46 pm

No but you are right it will make you look married. It will prevent honorable men from hitting on you at parties or social occasions. One nice option is to put them on a chain and wear as a pendant necklace. Or get them re-sized to fit your right hand.

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Chocobo May 6, 2013 at 8:42 am

It is appropriate if you wish to wear them. However, Alicia and Vanna are correct that you will look married, which may deter suitors. If that doesn’t bother you or you won’t be wearing the rings when you might meet someone, then by all means wear the rings.

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Elizabeth May 6, 2013 at 10:39 am

Wear them however you please! Another option would be to wear them on a chain around your neck, or to get them resized so that you can wear them on another finger.

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Vanna Keiler May 5, 2013 at 1:58 pm

Hi Victoria. I would venture to guess that the choice to wear any jewelry is solely yours, even traditional wearing bands. I would not recommend wearing them outdoors, however, if you are in the process of dating or are interested in finding that “special someone” at some point, because in most Western countries the ring symbolizes marriage. However, apart from possibly receiving raised eyebrows from long-time friends and colleagues (where you may want to acknowledge you didn’t tie the knot over the weekend!), I believe it is otherwise no one’s business whether you wear the band or not.

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