1. lily

    OMG! I have theeee most annoying sister inlaw on earth.she is 32 yes 32. She has 4 brothers my husband is the 2nd of them.she is always bouncing of them but I see recently she is turning my place her permanent abode. She came in unannounced a few times and I just allowed her to stay but I have lived to regret this.she is now getting on my last nerve. Recently I discussed this with my husband, apparently he has discussed it with his mother and her answer is since she comes to my house regularly then we should make this arrangement permanent. The most pissing thing is; my sister came to stay for only 10mths and my husband couldn’t stand her. So am guessing what is good for the goose…… This has got to end.i promised my self if am still married by 10yrs this nonsense needs to end. And iit’s10 yrs. Her mum called me the last time to ask if she can come and my husband too did.how the heck is everyone treating a 32yr old like a baby.and mind you am just a few yrs older than her. am raising young children and I need my voice and the voice of God to be the only in their head. She watches anything on TV even if the kids are around.she walks in her underwear around the house.i have a 9 yr old and I don’t want any confusion in his mind. Marriage can be hard especially with Africans Inlaws who are always in your business.

  2. Lori C

    When you and your husband are calm, please sit down and as a team decide what your household rules are concerning guests. This is between you and your husband. His mother has no say. He should be discussing the running of your household with you.

    Agree on the amount of notice needed prior to a visit. Agree upon the maximum length of the stay and the house rules for long term guests. For instance, guests are expected to wear clothes in public areas of your home at all times. Can you set up your TV to block channels, shows that are too mature for your children to watch? Guests are expected to pick up after themselves, help with chores such as cleaning, cooking, laundry. Discuss whether or not they need to financially contribute for groceries, utilities, rent/mortgage especially if it a long stay.

    Once you and your husband agree on your house rules for guests, you communicate the rules to your relatives, and he communicate the rules to his relatives. When your guests arrive, have family meeting and remind them of the rules. They should know the rules already because each of you have informed your relatives prior to their visit. I also suggest consequences for guests who will not follow your household rules. For example, they might be asked to leave. They might not be invited back.

  3. K

    During the beginning of our relationship, my S.O.’s friend constantly showed up uninvited/unannounced, totally disregarding my car sitting in the driveway and having the decency to turn around and leave. Part of this was due to my S.O. keeping his garage door open as an “invitation” to anyone to stop by. I viewed this as (1) a safety issue and (2) a disruption in our time together [we live 40 miles apart and only see each other on the weekends]. Early on, I asked my S.O. to say something, he played around the issue and acted as if he was afraid of hurting his friend’s feeling. It was a situation my S.O. created and only he could put an end to it. After a falling out between the two, it was peaceful for two years, until my S.O. had an injury and the rude friend used it as an opportunity to weasel his way back into his life, using my S.O.’s home as a place to hang out, kill time. I talked to my S.O. about the rude friend coming back into his life, and I only asked, “this time set some barriers, do not let him run amuck in your life, your home and our relationship.” My S.O. agreed, however a year later the rude friend is once again showing up whenever he wants. I find his behavior for a 50 year old man to be rude, disprectful, inconsiderate and very annoying. I do not live there but have told my S.O. that I’m not going to tolerate this. If he was truly his friend, he should respect our privacy and call to see if it is ok. When he does show up, he stays from 1-3 hours and has disrupted our time together.

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