Open Thread

by epi on March 29, 2013

Welcome to the Etiquette Daily

This open thread is your space to use as you like. We invite you to discuss current and traditional etiquette. Feel free to ask questions of each other and the community moderators here.

{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

Revd Svend March 29, 2013 at 12:30 pm

Is a wedding a proper occasion for throwing a ball? Furthermore, could a ball (to which all of Society, or much of it, is invited) with propriety take the place of a “wedding reception”? What other occasions excuse the throwing of a properly so-called ball?

Reply

Alicia March 29, 2013 at 1:34 pm

A ball is really nothing more then a fancy formal evening dance. Many wedding receptions are balls. However, one would never invite everyone in society. First because this is not the victorian era and there is not a formal definition of the 300 families that make up “society” Whom you would invite would be those who the brdie and groom are close to socialize with and love.
A ball ( ie fancy formal evening party with music and dancing) can be held for really any occasion one wishes to go to the expense and hassle of throwing such a social event. They are lovely and a blast. Some fancy sailing clubs will have balls during the winter in honor of their boards. I hear that golf clubs have been known to do so but have not been to any. Most famous is probably the inaugural balls which having attended two of these are overrated.
So if you or your organization would like to throw a ball go ahead they are fun.

Reply

Candice March 29, 2013 at 9:03 pm

Just been invited to a shower. The shower is a couples-bide and grooms house.
This is a 2 nd marriage. The couple has lived together for a couple of years. the wedding is outside in their backyard, it starts at 830 at night at end of May. There is no dinner.
The invitation to the shower requests that you pick an excursion for their honeymoon
Ranging in price from $50 up to $200. I found this invitation offensive. Am I out of touch with how things are done?

Reply

Winifred Rosenburg March 30, 2013 at 12:00 pm

The only part of this I have a problem with is the “pick an excursion” part. That’s really just a poorly disguised trick for demanding money. The fact that they’re all at least $50 adds insult to injury as shower gifts are traditionally less expensive than wedding gifts. Was your mentioning it was at the bride and groom’s house a way of saying they are hosting it themselves? If so, that is also a problem. The fact that it’s a second marriage is only a problem if you gave a gift for the first wedding. Their living together is irrelevent. Dinner is not required to be offered at showers.

Reply

Country Girl March 30, 2013 at 12:21 pm

Sadly it seems that some couples, not you, are out of touch these days with good etiquette. It is ok to RSVP no to invitations you find offensive. Things you may find off-putting (I know I would) are if the couple is hosting their own shower, if $50 is out of your budget, if you feel you are being taken advantage of, if you have already been invited to a wedding shower of either the bride or groom. You don’t need to give a reason, just say no. The details of the wedding are irrelevant.

Reply

Elizabeth March 30, 2013 at 7:03 pm

I agree that the whole thing sounds a bit tasteless. Just RSVP no, and say that you unfortunately have “other plans.” The plans can be washing your hair, having a relaxing evening at home with the cat, or cleaning the bathtub grout for all they have to know.

Reply

Leave a Comment

Previous post:

Next post: