1. Christy

    Two of my friends at work are competing to get a promotion spot. Just call them A and B. A was a lot stronger candidate for the position but she somehow did not get it. The announcement was made on the day A left for her long delayed honeymoon to Hawaii. Me and some of the other coworkers who are close to her called her. She was really crushed to hear the news but was thankful that we notify her early.
    Looking back, should we waited until she came back so that she can enjoy her honeymoon or did we do the right thing?
    Thank you.

    • Elizabeth

      I think you did the right thing…she might have spent the whole time fretting about whether she won the position otherwise. At least this way, she can lick her wounds in an incredibly beautiful place. Hopefully she’s not the type to let it ruin her time.

      • Scarlett

        Sounds like it worked out for her, but here’s another view. In my case, I was the one waiting for the news. I had audited for a new job title in a higher pay grade, and was still waiting for the decision when I left for vacation. I felt I had really made my case and that there was no way I wouldn’t get it. Well, the decision came while I was gone, and it was not in my favor. My supervisor made the decision not to tell me until I got back. It was her call, but I appreciated her not contacting me during my vacation with such heartbreaking news. If she had, I obviously would have dealt with it, but I was grateful that she chose not to put me in that position. As it turned out, I had the best vacation ever and was happy to come back to work. If I had known, it might have affected my ability to enjoy the rest of my time off, and I might even have dreaded coming back. I’ll never know. But there certainly wasn’t any harm in waiting to share this kind of news.

      • Alicia

        I think you should not have said anything. The people doing the hiring should have been the ones to give the news in that case it may have given input on why she was not selected. Also clearly the selection criteria was not yours and you do not know what other selection criteria the bosses were using. This was not your news to share and you overstepped quite possibly ruining someones honeymoon.

  2. Jerry

    I recently attended my son’s wedding. I asked the brides father if he wanted to go see his daughter hours before the wedding. he said yes. we went to the room and knocked on the door. One of the bridesmaids answered the door and said one moment please. The bride to be came to the door and was not happy. Now everyone is up in arms over it. I have been told that the father never see’s his daughter on the wedding day however I have see photos of this before. What do you think?

    • Alicia

      I think that it is unusual for the father of the groom to be the one suggesting the father of the bride visiting his daughter. If the father of the bride did not visit his daughter of his own accord there is likely reason for it either in the relationship, or traditions of the brides family. You should apologize for interfering to your daughter in law and her father and then hopefully all will move on from what is an odd but minor slight. The father of the bride if he was aware of the relationship or family traditions made the bigger error. Yours seems one of attempted kindness but overstepping.

    • Jody

      Jerry, I’ve never heard of a “father doesn’t see his daughter on the wedding day” tradition. I see your invitation to the bride’s father as a very gracious and well-intended statement. Obviously (to me) the bride’s father didn’t have a problem with it or he would have said something at the time. It’s too bad that the bride wasn’t happy but let’s chalk that up to wedding day stress. As for what others think, well it’s none of their business.

  3. Jerry

    What is etiquette here? Does the father of the bride typicaly spend time with his daughter before the wedding? I understand that the father of the groom may or may not. Whats Etiquette?
    Thank You

    • Alicia

      There is no standard etiquette it depends on the family, the brides wishes, and her relationship with her father.

  4. Jerry

    Thank You for the info. I have already sent an e-mail to my daughter-in-law saying I am sorry. I didn’t know she didn’t want to see her father before the wedding.

    In hind sight being 20/20 I wish her father would have remembered that he was not to see her or one of the bridesmaids would have taken charge and told us to leave.

    Sorry in Indiana

    • Alicia

      Likely the bridesmaid did not know either. I have been a bridesmaid over a dozen times and about half the time the father of the bride comes by and about half not. It sort of depends. But really the father of the bride should have had a better sense of his daughter and the daughter if not wishing to see her father at that time should have asked to see him to kindly not come in. But likely the father of the groom felt pressured to see her at your suggestion. It is a silly thing to be so upset about and to cause such a fuss. All seems kindly meant.

  5. Cathy Wicks

    I recently retired from work. A former colleague, who successfully sabotaged my work which resulted in me not getting the promotion I wanted and deserved, sent me a “congratulations on your retirement” card. I have hard feelings toward this person. Do you think I need to acknowledge and thank this colleague for the card?

    • Jody

      Cathy — I think the best thing to do is ignore the card. If for some reason the other person asks about it you can honestly say “yes, I did receive it” and leave it at that. I agree with Alicia that merely sending a card normally doesn’t require a formal thank-you note.

  6. Barbara

    I sent an expensive pottery bowl as a birthday gift to a family member. It was carefully packed, marked fragile, and insured. Several days after the birthday, the recipient’s husband sent me a text message that it had arrived broken. They did not save the box so I was unable to make an insurance claim. The recipient has not acknowledged the gift in any way. I am hurt by her lack of response. Should she have acknowledged the gift? Should I send a replacement?

    • You are under no obligation to send a replacement. You would have handled the insurance claim, which would have allowed you to give a replacement; however, they discarded the packaging, so you couldn’t do that (here’s more on USPS claims).
      They should have sent a thank-you note. I’ve had packages damaged, both coming to my house and going to others’ homes, and always a thank-you was emailed/texted or written, in spite of the condition of arrived goods. I suggest scaling back what you spend on this family member in the future.

    • Lady Antipode

      Yes, she should have acknowledged the gift. It’s the thought that counts, after all, and she should have said thank you for sending her such a nice/thoughtful/lovely gift. It’s a thank you for sending something, not for the something itself (if that makes any sense).

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