Q: I would like to know how to handle non-responses to my daughter’s wedding. If we have not heard from certain people by the cut off date, do I have to call them? I work full-time and also care for an elderly parent so my time, as well as my daughter’s time, is very limited. If there is no response, can we just assume those people are not coming? And if they do show up after not responding, what do we say to them at the wedding when there is no place card at the table or no meal ordered for them? Also what do we say to anyone who comes with an uninvited guest?
A: It is never safe to assume a guest is attending or not. People seem to have forgotten the importance of RSVPs, so the best thing to do is call or ask a friend to call and ask whether the invitee/s is/are attending or not. This precludes the awkwardness of having invited guests who haven’t responded show up and being unprepared. No one should simply show up with an uninvited guest. If they add a guest onto their response form you need to call immediately and say you are sorry, but only those listed on the invitation envelope are invited and you cannot accommodate that guest’s guest. If someone actually shows up with an uninvited guest, you have every right to apologize but say you weren’t expecting someone you didn’t invite and are afraid you can’t accommodate the guest. The invited guest may leave as well, but you have the right to graciously not accept the uninvited. It is a difficult position to put you in, but you need to do what you have to do and if people are so unthinking as to put you in that position, honesty is fine.