Q: I would like to know how to handle non-responses to my daughter’s wedding. If we have not heard from certain people by the cut off date, do I have to call them? I work full-time and also care for an elderly parent so my time, as well as my daughter’s time, is very limited. If there is no response, can we just assume those people are not coming? And if they do show up after not responding, what do we say to them at the wedding when there is no place card at the table or no meal ordered for them? Also what do we say to anyone who comes with an uninvited guest?
A: It is never safe to assume a guest is attending or not. People seem to have forgotten the importance of RSVPs, so the best thing to do is call or ask a friend to call and ask whether the invitee/s is/are attending or not. This precludes the awkwardness of having invited guests who haven’t responded show up and being unprepared. No one should simply show up with an uninvited guest. If they add a guest onto their response form you need to call immediately and say you are sorry, but only those listed on the invitation envelope are invited and you cannot accommodate that guest’s guest. If someone actually shows up with an uninvited guest, you have every right to apologize but say you weren’t expecting someone you didn’t invite and are afraid you can’t accommodate the guest. The invited guest may leave as well, but you have the right to graciously not accept the uninvited. It is a difficult position to put you in, but you need to do what you have to do and if people are so unthinking as to put you in that position, honesty is fine.
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If you have a wedding coordinator, you can often get them to do the follow-ups and call those who have not RSVPed. This can often be a much better use of time because guests usually will want to chat with the bride or MOB and see how everything is going, but they won’t with the coordinator.
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I have a question: If the brides prents have been divorced for 20 years, and the bride has only seen her father a couple of times in that time, if both parents are not re married, would it be proper to sit them next to each other at dinner?
Thank you
No, divorced parents should be at separate tables, each being the head of his or her own table.
I have a questing regarding etiquette for inviting guests and how to address an envelope for a particular situation. For my upcoming wedding, I have a male retaliative whom has three children that I wish to invite to my wedding. He also has a live in girlfriend, whom also has three children (I have never met her children, although they reside with the couple at least fifty percent of the time). For my wedding, I’d like to keep the guest list small, is it proper to only invite my relative, his children, and his girlfirend (date) but exclude her children? If so, how should the invitation be address to be clear the children of the girlfriend are not invited?
If the kids live with the couple most of the time it would be really rude to include some but not all the kids in the household. Invite all the kids or none. Imagine explaining to the kids that the other kids in their family get to go but since the parents have not gotten married yet you are excluding them.
Hi DJ,
That is a tricky one! Do you know the schedule of when her children are with them? If they are on a set schedule (every other weekend, every summer, that sort of thing) and your wedding falls on a day when they would be with their mom, then I would say that you do need to invite them. If their stays are not on a set schedule, or does not fall on the day of your wedding then I think you have a little more wiggle room, particularly since you’ve never met them. I would then address the envelope
Mr. _______ & Ms. __________
Kid 1, Kid 2, Kid 3
Address.
If your close to your relative (or close to someone who is close to him), you might also just want to ask. Your relative’s partner might be very understanding that you have no connection to her children, nor they to you, but she might also be wanting them to be part of her partner’s family and could be hurt that they’re not invited.
Hope that’s at least a little helpful, and best wishes!