Gift Guidance: Telling your guests what to give

by epi on March 29, 2013

Q: My fiance and I are getting married and I need a little advice. Being that we already are living together, we do not need any gifts. we have already paid for our honeymoon completely. Instead of the gift/bridal registry as the norm, we wanted to include that monetary gifts would be the preference for us. How should this be worded?

A: You may not ask for money in writing on your invitation. You can, however, use the word-of-mouth system for letting people know your preference. Tell you parents, attendants and a few close relatives that if anyone asks them, they may tell them that your most appreciated gift would be money. You may also say that to people who ask you directly.

{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }

Teresa March 31, 2013 at 10:53 am

Here is my question. My Niece is having a destination wedding, with only 60 people invited. Now, she would like for her Aunt and I (I am an Aunt also) to give her a shower in August. It seems rude to me to invited people to a shower that are not invited to the wedding. Am I wrong in thinking this?

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Winifred Rosenburg March 31, 2013 at 7:06 pm

Alicia is right. It is also rude for your niece to ask for a shower. She should have a shower if someone offers to throw her one and not have a shower if no one offers.

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Alicia March 31, 2013 at 5:17 pm

No only those invited to the wedding may be invited to any of the prewedding parties. So you must limit the shower invites to only those invited to the wedding which means those 60 people. Even if only women invited that gives you around 30 people and honestly some of the most lovely showers are the small ones with only a dozen or so close friends and family.

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Paige May 27, 2013 at 1:31 pm

We have several friends who have gotten married over the past few months and my husband and I have been happy to serve as hosts/hostesses for showers for them. If we pay for a shower and contribute to a hostess gift, are we then still expected to purchase a separate wedding gift?

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Elizabeth May 27, 2013 at 2:26 pm

I don’t know that there’s an etiquette answer for this question that is true 100% of the time. Sometimes people do give showers, shower gifts, AND a wedding present, and sometimes they don’t. Further – what people ought to expect and what they do expect can be two different things. If one is very entitled, then one may expect all manner of things, you know? If you spent your whole budget for a friend’s wedding on hosting the shower and chipping in for a shower gift (I assume you meant shower rather than hostess gift), then all you need do is write your well wishes in a card for the wedding. (It’s better to include a card specifically for the wedding than to do nothing, because then they may be unsure whether you meant to give a gift and it got lost, etc.)

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