12 Comments

  1. Marina

    I am about to start Thank You notes for my baby shower and was wondering: if two or more people from the same household give one gift do I send one thank you for the two of them or separate ones for each person?

    • Chocobo

      I always write separate thank you notes for adults unless they are couples, regardless of where they live. For example, if I received a gift from a mother and daughter who live in the same house and the daughter is over 18, they both get their own individualized card. But if I receive a gift from a husband and wife, or a mother and daughter who is still a minor, I write just one card to the both of them.

      It is more work, but I feel that their generosity to me requires at least that much effort in return.

    • Lilli

      If they gave separate gifts then they should receive separate thank you cards, but joint gifts from the same household can get one card. Joint gifts from people of different households (ex: bridesmaids all pitch in for one big wedding gift) then separate cards to each household.

    • Alicia

      If two adults then send two thank yous if say a mom and a young daughter giving a gift together just address the thank you to both.

  2. Lauren

    I keep seeing stories about couples sending out “you’re not invited” wedding invitations. Can the Post Institute please take a stance on this so-called “trend”? I feel it is the rudest and most selfish thing a couple can do to their friends and family. “We’re getting married, but you can’t come!” It’s like the ultimate slap in the face.

    I was always taught that it was polite to send out an engagement announcement to whomever, but that only actual guests of the wedding received “invitations” or notification of the actual day.

    And I say this as a bride to be that is planning her wedding, no less.

    • Alicia

      Engagement announcements are uncommon in this modern world of easy social media. However, they would only go to those who are invited to the wedding. All invites are always positive things ie who is invited not who is not invited. A you are not invited anti invitation would be rude and tacky. Wedding announcements sent out after the wedding occurs can go to anyone who would be interested in the fact that the wedding occured who were not at the wedding.

    • Marina

      I also just saw this “trend” in an article on AOL news and I’m not sure which part of the country this is happening (I haven’t heard of anything like this happening in New Jersey) but it is beyond rude. If any “friend” of mine sent me a non-invite, I would tell them to lose my address and phone number.

      I also would not send engagement announcements to those not invited to the wedding. I’m not sure what the etiquette book says about this but I would think those receiving the announcement may anticipate a wedding invite and I wouldn’t want them to be insulted if they don’t end up being invited.

  3. scdeb

    A friend of mine mentioned that she had recently opened an email from a bride to be that said, “We’re sorry you can’t come to our wedding but we knew that you would want to know the details…” And what followed was info about the wedding, gift registry & the new address of the couple. The friend did not receive an invitation to the wedding–this was some sort of mass email wedding announcement.
    After hearing this several of us had the opinion that perhaps some of these misguided brides have been watching one too many reality TV shows. Scoring gifts seems to be the main focus these days. And it is a shame that over the top celebrations & rudeness seem to go hand in hand.

  4. Cameo

    I live in an apartment complex and my immediate neighbors are very sweet and we get along well. However, the unit above ours is extremely noisy. I understand a certain level of noise is expected, which is why I have not taken any step to talk to them, but it’s become too much. There are always slamming doors, loud bangs, and they must have subwoofers because we can hear a lot of bass and our walls shake. All of this noise is continuous; I’m not sure they ever sleep! We’re often awaken by them in the middle of the night. I have never spoken to them, in fact, I don’t even know who they are. How do I approach this situation? I don’t want to create any bad relationships, especially because we really love those who live around us and want to maintain that peaceful living environment. Help!

    • Jody

      Cameo — I’ve been in similar situations, both as a member (and later chairman) of my condo’s covenants committee and as a neighbor of noisy people. What I recommended to people in my condo is to keep detailed notes of the occurrences — date, time, nature of noise — and then look at it later. The notes might show that as annoying as things are it’s only once in awhile; if they show the occurrences are frequent, they’re good backup for a further complaint.

      I can understand your not speaking to them but I do think a word to them first is in order; you need to do that when you can be calm about it. They may not realize how much the noise carries. If your apartment complex has “quiet hours” rules you can mention those. It doesn’t mean they can make as much noise as they want during non-quiet hours, though. You can let them know how much the noise carries into your unit and you’d appreciate their keeping the noise down.

      You can also make a formal complaint to your complex manager and (if there is one) a rules committee. State the facts of the type /frequency/timing of the noise. Management should investigate the situation and come up with a remedy. For noise that’s in the wee hours of the morning, you could call the police non-emergency number; I did that and a neighbor did that several times.

      • Jody

        Sorry, I realized I hadn’t mentioned something right as I hit “submit” on my prior comment. You might speak with neighbors who live on either side or above this other neighbor to see if they hear the same noise. If so, you’ll know it’s not just you hearing it and can mention that fact in your complaint to management.

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