Open Thread

by epi on February 15, 2013

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This open thread is your space to use as you like. We invite you to discuss current and traditional etiquette. Feel free to ask questions of each other and the community moderators here.

{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }

To write or to type February 15, 2013 at 2:04 pm

I have seen numerous contradictory answers to this question using a google search, so I’m asking you guys?

Are handwritten wedding invitations ideal or merely acceptable?

I’ve seen sources saying that printed invites are merely a significantly more practical alternative to the more proper option of handwriting invitations. I’ve also seen sources saying that handwritten invitations would be alright for a more casual wedding, but for a formal wedding, printed invitations are called for. I’ve seen sources making the distinction between calligraphy and handwriting, saying that calligraphy is acceptable for formal wedding invitations, but nice handwriting is not good enough.

What is true? I wouldn’t mind handwriting the invitations, but I’d hate to go through all of that trouble when printing would not merely have been easier, but more proper.

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Elizabeth February 15, 2013 at 3:59 pm

There’s a difference between the history of something and its current usage. It’s true that, historically, invitations were written by hand (back when people had beautiful handwriting!) and that printed invitations were introduced as a time-saver. Today, the opposite is true: printed (engraved, embossed, etc) invitations signify expense and care, and hand-writing appears informal (and cheap, unless its done by a professional calligrapher). Printed invitations are considered more ‘proper’ today only because they are the norm – not because there’s intrinsically anything better about it.

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Alicia February 15, 2013 at 6:41 pm

Both are equally proper if you have nice handwriting. Typed is easier but both are proper and lovely.

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Winifred Rosenburg February 15, 2013 at 8:57 pm

Most formal options are handwritten or engraved. Next is printed without engraving. I would personally be delighted to receive a handwritten invitation!

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Ann Moore February 17, 2013 at 1:47 am

I was having afternoon tea at the Imperial Hotel in Delhi, and I had a conundrum. While things such as tea sandwiches and scones must be eaten with ones hands, when one’s fingers get sticky in the process, what is one supposed to do? I whiped them on my napkin, but they were still sticky. I was tempted to lick them, but I knew that was wrong. There was no perpiration on any glass on the table. And so I finished my tea with sticky fingers. What should I have done? Thank you.

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Alicia February 17, 2013 at 7:23 am

wipe with a bit of friction and then as soon as done eating go to ladies room and wash hands.

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CeeSquared February 18, 2013 at 7:11 pm

I was surprised by Anna Post’s comments on “Second Marriage Matters” in the USA Weekend (2/15-17/13) magazine that accompanies my Sunday newspaper.

A shower is now appropriate for a second marriage? A second wedding doesn’t have to mean a small wedding? A second-time bride should register for gifts?

I guess my age is showing — 61 years. And yes, I actually have been a second-time around bride — though that was over 30 years ago (still married; second time’s the charm!). I would not have felt comfortable inviting more than a handful of family members and closest friends — which is what we did. And by the way, I thoroughly enjoyed that low-key ceremony much more than I did my “big wedding.” We took our parents, siblings and closest friends (who happened to be married to each other — and still are — and still are dear friends) out to dinner, using a private room in a favorite restaurant. We all had such fun and have such great memories.

But I digress. Weddings are way out of hand these days anyway. Why encourage people to have a second big wedding with all these demands for gifts??

And by the way, registries are out of control, too. In my day, no information about a registry was included in the wedding invitation — or anything else sent to guests. Rather, guests simply inquired of their local department stores whether the bride had registered her china and silver patterns. I guess guests could also have saved time by making inquiries with the mother of the bride. Now there are massive long “I want” lists with multiple retailers. I think these registries are in bad taste. Thanks for listening.

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