Invitation Inquiry: What to do with the registry cards

by epi on February 12, 2013

Q: I have registered at four places for my wedding. Each store gave me inserts to include in bridal shower invitations to inform guests where gift preferences have been placed. Is it okay to include these inserts in the shower invitations? Also, would you put all four in each invitation?

A: Yes, it would be fine to include all four registry cards with the shower invitations.

{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }

Ashley February 12, 2013 at 11:06 am

I would just design the invitation with the list your registered at – the place and registry number. So much cleaner and more organized for our guests. I don’t think putting all four cards loose in an envelope is the best idea…

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Elizabeth February 12, 2013 at 11:12 am

It is absolutely bad manners to mention gifts on a wedding invitation. Period. The point of a wedding is to be married, and you share your day with your guests. Any gifts you receive are just a bonus. The point of the event is not to receive gifts. It is incredibly tacky to mention registry information. (However, for events where gifts ARE the point – like a shower – registry information may be included.)

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Winifred Rosenburg February 12, 2013 at 12:21 pm

I believe they are talking about shower invitations. While registry information should never be anywhere near a wedding invitation, some more modern etiquette sources say it’s okay to include inserts in a shower invitation because the purpose of a shower is to give gifts so pretending you weren’t even thinking about people bringing gifts doesn’t work in this case. They do say that registry information can only be provided on a separate insert and not on the invitation itself.

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Elizabeth February 12, 2013 at 12:35 pm

Right you are. I thought the response was in another thread.

I’m not sure about making the distinction between insert vs on the invitation. That seems like splitting hairs to me. I am actually co-hosting a shower this weekend. The bride registered largely online, and did not give us any inserts. I don’t see the point in wasting (or paying for) another sheet of paper to include in the same envelope. We used a an online service to print our invitations, and the design included a small line at the bottom: “Momsname is registered at X and Y.”

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Winifred Rosenburg February 12, 2013 at 1:49 pm

I think the idea behind the insert rule is when the information is on the invitation, it can seem like a directive “you must bring a present from these registries.” If it’s on a separate insert, it comes across as an “FYI” where they could use the registry or find something on their own. I hosted a low-budget shower last year, and what I did was I cut off the backs of some leftover cards I had ordered too many of, resulting in plain, white cardstock, and handwrote “Bride is registered at…” and included them with the invitations.

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Danielle February 12, 2013 at 2:06 pm

Inserts in a shower invite = OK
Inserts in a wedding invite = NOT OK

I do agree with Ashley that it might be nicer to consolidate everything into one card, but it’s not necessary.

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Andra February 13, 2013 at 5:54 pm

I believe the problem with including the registry information on a shower invitation (in contrast to on an insert) would be communicating to the invitees that for this shower, as mentioned above, “Gifts ARE the point.” Contrary to a frequently held belief, the point of a shower is actually meant to be a gathering to celebrate and fete the individual as she enters a new stage in her life. The gifts are very much meant to be secondary and representative of her transition to this new stage.

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Sunshine April 1, 2013 at 7:34 pm

I disagree about the point of the shower. Traditionally, the shower was an opportunity to “shower” the bride with all the things that she would need to set up a new household with her husband. This is the reason that the shower should NOT be hosted by the bride or a member of her immediate family (like her mother or sister), because that would be perceived as asking for gifts. Instead, it’s the place for the maid/matron of honor or other good friend to throw the shower so that the bride will have all the things she needs for her marriage. This was in the days when people didn’t live together before marriage, so the couple would have only what the bride collected in her hope chest to outfit their new home.

Nowdays, when couples often live together before marriage or are on their second marriages, the purpose of a shower has become more variable depending on the particular couple. Some couples have “couples showers” where men and women are invited, some have parties without gifts or other types of celebrations and get-togethers. Similarly, baby showers are not customarily thrown for second or third babies, as a mother would have all she needed already unless a long time has gone by between children. For a traditional shower, “gifts ARE the point.”

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Joanna April 2, 2013 at 9:22 am

Funny you mention the original purpose of a shower, and how it’s changing, as my family was just discussing this over the weekend…

We had received a bridal shower invitation for a young woman who has been living with her fiance for quite some time, so they are well established in the basics. Now it’s quite clear that they are using the shower as a means of “upgrading” – for instance, she is asking for a particular celebrity’s bathroom decor line, which includes a $40 soap dish! Of course it’s everyone’s perogative to furnish their own home how they choose, but IMO it just seems greedy to ask your guests for such things. Originally, the idea behind the shower, as you mention, was to give people the basics to start off their new life together. Now, however, as many people already have all that, they get a case of the “gimme something better”s.

Just ONCE, I would love to see a couple say, “We are all set with home furnishings, thanks!” I doubt I will.

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