Double Trouble: Setting two wedding dates

by epi on January 24, 2013

Q: If two girls got engaged within two weeks of each other, does it matter who sets their wedding date first? Should the second girl to get engaged wait for the first girl to set her date?

A: If these girls are sisters then it is hoped that they are thoughtful of one another and allow each other the time and space between weddings to allow family and friends to participate in both weddings. If the first to be engaged is not planning on marrying for at least a year and the second would like to be married in six months, then there is no reason they can’t work this out. Only if they both want to be married in the same month might it be a hardship for family and friends. What is important is that they talk to each other in peace and harmony, and to their parents, to work this out.  If these girls are good friends and not sisters, it shouldn’t make any difference as to who is married first.

{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

Karen January 24, 2013 at 3:26 am

Gotta bring up the possibility of doing it on the same day, back to back days, the same weekend, since it would save the guests time and money, if all the same mutual family & friends are attending. Don’t have to, obviously, but it is an option.

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Brockwest January 24, 2013 at 1:46 pm

In viewing wedding sites, this appears to be a common source of great friction among brides. Some brides feel once they are engaged the entire year belongs to them as does the entirety of their friend’s lives. It would be a good idea for the two to discuss their mutual plans. For some reason some brides feel if they were first engaged, nobody can get married until they do, and then not for a long perior afterwards. I believe one or two months between the weddings is sufficient, regardless of the demands of either bride.

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Friend Bride January 24, 2013 at 3:12 pm

My childhood best friend got engaged one December, then I got engaged the following October, so I was second by several months. When I told her the news, she was happy for me, but in her second breath, kind of passively threatened that I better not get married before she does. Well, she was living with her fiancé and planning to take a year and a half to plan the wedding. My fiancé and I were waiting until we were married to live together so naturally we were more motivated to plan more quickly. I ended up having a 4 month engagement and got married 3 months before my friend did. Unfortunately, our friendship hasn’t been the same since. I also had a child first and that really seemed to rock us. We still keep in touch every few months, but not the same best friend feeling. I really wish I could get that back, but I’m not sure how.

If this is you you are asking about, navigate these waters carefully. While etiquette may or may not address this, you should know your friend’s personality and how they might react. In the end though, you can’t let your friend dictate the course of your marriage (which is a closer relation than friendship) so have a talk and discuss it kindly and really explain yourself. Hopefully she will understand, but she may not. Ultimately your marriage is more important.

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Riss January 25, 2013 at 10:33 am

As the older sister who got engaged (in March) and set the date that week (for the following April) and then had her little sister get engaged (in July) and set her date for exactly two months after my wedding, I’d say give 3-4 months between weddings in immediate family. While everything worked out, it was stressful and there was alot of commentary about who should have gotten married when (our mother felt I should have been married years earlier and “let” my sister have her own time). It was also a financial headache for my parents- who paid for both weddings. We did have alot of people only go to one or the other’s events as well.

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Phyllis February 20, 2013 at 2:32 pm

My daughter announced her engagement in Dec 2012. In August of 2013, she announced she is planning a destination wedding on June 18, 2013 in Antiqua. It will be a small wedding with approximately 20 family and friends attending. This week my step daughter announced that she is getting married locally on May 18, 2013. My husband does not understand why I am upset. There has been no discussion between the sisters about the weddings. To be nice I reminded my step daughter of Jena’s wedding in June, but she does not understand why I or Jena would be upset. Do have any advice on how to handle this situation?
Sincerely,
Phyllis

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Alicia February 20, 2013 at 7:54 pm

I am also unclear as to why you are upset. Why are you upset? Is there some logistical reason why the stepsisters can not get married a month apart? Unless there is a non obvious reason why you are upset or why this would cause logistical issues then you should be happy for both these brides and do nothing. If for some reason this means that you or your husband would have to miss one of the weddings or cause other massive logistical issues then I think you should figure out exactly what you are upset about and express those very specific concerns to the brides.

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