Q: My 14 year old daughter was asked to be a junior bridesmaid in a friend’s wedding. The shower is just a few weeks away. I received an email from the maid of honor that was addressed to the other four bridesmaids and myself. My daughter and myself were not included in the planning of the shower, which is at a restaurant and includes a full lunch for 80 guests. The email asks that we all bring our checkbooks the day of the shower to split the restaurant cost (flowers, invitations, favors, etc.) I thought that the junior bridesmaids were considered to be ‘helpers’. In other weddings I have been in as a bridesmaid, we have never asked the parents of the junior bridesmaid or the flower girl to contribute financially. Is it the responsibility of the junior bridesmaid to contribute financially to the wedding shower or other expenses besides her own dress and accessories?
A: No, it is not the responsibility of the junior bridesmaid to participate in these costs, nor is it correct to require payment from any attendant, junior or senior, without asking that person first if she is willing an stating the amount of the contribution. It is fine to write back and say you are sorry, but you had no communication that this was an expectation and therefore will not be contributing.