Open Thread

by epi on December 6, 2012

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This open thread is your space to use as you like. We invite you to discuss current and traditional etiquette. Feel free to ask questions of each other and the community moderators here.

{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }

Winifred Rosenburg December 6, 2012 at 2:06 pm

I have a question about how to deal with annoying emails. I quit a job I was working at in June. However in the last month my former boss has been forwarding work emails to me. (I didn’t have a company email address when I worked there so my personal email address was used.) I have no idea why she’s sending these emails to me and not my replacement. The first time it happened I figured it was a one-time mistake and ignored it, but it’s happened so many times now it’s rather irritating. I still sometimes do freelance work for this organization so it’s important that I keep a good relationship with them. That’s also why I don’t want to block her email address. Is there a polite way to tell her to stop emailing me?


Elizabeth December 6, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Are the emails asking you to take some action, or are they FYI? Do they contain information that is relevant to the freelance work that you do?


Joanna December 6, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Just plain say it — and if you want to soften it in order to keep things solid between you, just respond to one of the emails with something like, “Jane, I believe Susan is handling the Smith account now, isn’t she? I’ll forward this right to her.” That should definitely make your point but in a non-confrontational way.


Winifred Rosenburg December 6, 2012 at 3:41 pm

The emails aren’t asking me to do anything. They’re forwarded orders like John Doe purchased 2 tickets to the winter concert or Jane Lane submitted an application to audition. They were relevent to my former job but are in no way related to my freelance work. Thanks for your advice!


Elizabeth December 6, 2012 at 4:21 pm

I see. I second Joanna’s advice then, and would only add this: Perhaps it’s worthwhile to enlist your replacement to help you correct your former boss’ email misdirection as well? Let her/him know that former boss has been mistakenly sending them to you, and that if an appropriate moment arises s/he could also mention to the boss about getting the address right.

At a certain point, though, I would probably stop forwarding the messages – it’s not fair for her to continue to use you as a forwarding service. After one or two reminders, just delete the emails.


Jerry December 6, 2012 at 5:13 pm

I wouldn’t forward the e-mails at all. I would just reply “Dear [former boss]: did you intend for me to receive this?” It’s her fault, after all, if she can’t fill out an e-mail address field properly.


Zakafury December 7, 2012 at 8:57 am

I agree with Jerry. Reply to the boss asking if that was intended for you and nothing else.

Do these emails go to anyone else or come to you BCC? Perhaps the boss has a distribution list for this class of events or scheduling business and he doesn’t see what addresses are on it when it goes out.


Winifred Rosenburg December 7, 2012 at 9:57 am

The emails are being sent to one other person in the company as well. Thanks for the advice, everyone!


gladys December 6, 2012 at 2:21 pm

open question – does this seem normal to you? My stepson has been married over 10 years. The only time we have met his parents-in-law was at the wedding. They live about 30 minutes apart, we live about 1.5 hours from that area. We are not in the area at holidays.


Alicia December 6, 2012 at 3:30 pm

Yes it seems normal. When would you have occasion to see the in laws of your stepson? I mean you do not spend the holidays in the same area so not attending the holiday party which may or may not involve both sides of the families. Slightly less normal if they have kids with special occasions for the kids. Briefly thinking about it the only occasions both of my sets of grandparents were in the same room in the last decade or so before they passed were college graduation parties, my sisters weddings, and my neices baptism. My grandparents never spent holidays together and would go years without having a really big family occasion where they would both be at the same event.
Some sets of in laws see each other more frequently and others not very frequently. If you want to see them why not invite your son daughter in law and the in laws all to dinner or drinks or something


Winifred Rosenburg December 6, 2012 at 3:31 pm

It seems fine to me. My parents haven’t seen my in-laws since my wedding. Indon’t think they’ve seen my siblings’ in-laws since their respective weddings either. If it bothers you, why don’t you suggest a get-together the next time you visit your step son?


Mary December 11, 2012 at 11:10 pm

I am hosting a holiday cocktail party and worded the electronic invitations ‘Come for cocktails and nibbles’ and added the note ‘hope to see you and your plus one’, but have had two couples respond they and their children (aged infant to 8) will be coming. When using electronic invitations sent via an email address, how do you clarify who is invited to the party?


Just Laura December 12, 2012 at 12:34 am

Most logical people will figure out that a cocktail party to which they and their “plus one” are invited isn’t a kid-friendly event. Unfortunately, not all people are logical. Email them back asap: “Hey, Susie! I’m so glad you can make it. This isn’t a child-friendly event, so while I can’t wait to see little Kyle at [whatever], I hope you’ll be able to find a babysitter for Friday night!”

Some people may press the point. To those people, I’ve always said, “If I let your kid come, then others will get upset, and I just want to have some nice adult time. If this date doesn’t work for you, then we’ll get together soon.”


Winifred Rosenburg December 12, 2012 at 10:07 am

I agree with Laura. When I’m in this situation I also mention that my home isn’t child-proofed and would be particularly unsafe with lots of people and alcohol present.


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